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Ebon Fury
Aura moderate evocation and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 58,015 gp; Weight 12 lbs.
Description
This +3 adamantine lucerne hammer has a handle made of polished black wood, a hammer head made of adamantine and a spiked head made of obsidian.
Once per day, as a standard action, the wielder may drive the spike into the ground, converting a thin layer of the ground to magically slick volcanic glass in a 20-foot radius. Everyone but the wielder treats the area as if affected by grease (as the spell, save DC 16).
The wielder may use a standard action to strike the volcanic glass with the hammer, expending the magic and creating an explosion that showers the 20-foot radius with obsidian shards. The razor-sharp stones deal 5d6 magical slashing damage and 1d6 bleed damage to all creatures in the area but the wielder. Any creature within the area who makes a successful DC 16 Reflex save takes half as much slashing damage and no bleed damage. The ground, now littered with obsidian shards, is treated as non-magical difficult terrain.
After 24 hours, any obsidian created by the hammer crumbles into harmless black sand.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Heighten Spell, grease, obsidian flow, shatter; Cost 30,515 gp
Perfect template. Cool visuals. Fun mechanics.
Not sure if the price vs. cost is right but I always have a hard time with weapons and armor.
Just...an awesome item.
Congratulations on the success of your "big dumb weapon." Mark has been my primary pit crew the last couple years and it is good to see him make it in. Last year the map he did for practice was great. Hope he will have the time to make this one just as awesome. Good luck in every round.
Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9
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Mark,
I LOOOOOVVEVEVVEVEVVVVVEVEVEVEEEDDDDDDDDD Your item!!!!
Everything is there, you cover all your tracks, and you're specific about everything generated by the magical effect of your weapon. And the effect is visually evocative, which is big for me.
This was one of the few items over 20,000 GP that I actually didn't care about the price once I read it.
Congrats!
Now, show us an awesome map!
Great job! Looking forward to your map!
Thanks for the kind words guys! Come back and see me in round 2, until then I'll be keeping my head down.
Contributor
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Marathon Voter Season 9
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Congratulations on making it in!
Ebon Fury
Aura moderate evocation and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 58,015 gp; Weight 12 lbs.
Description
This +3 adamantine lucerne hammer has a handle made of polished black wood, a hammer head made of adamantine and a spiked head made of obsidian.Once per day, as a standard action, the wielder may drive the spike into the ground, converting a thin layer of the ground to magically slick volcanic glass in a 20-foot radius. Everyone but the wielder treats the area as if affected by grease (as the spell, save DC 16).
The wielder may use a standard action to strike the volcanic glass with the hammer, expending the magic and creating an explosion that showers the 20-foot radius with obsidian shards. The razor-sharp stones deal 5d6 magical slashing damage and 1d6 bleed damage to all creatures in the area but the wielder. Any creature within the area who makes a successful DC 16 Reflex save takes half as much slashing damage and no bleed damage. The ground, now littered with obsidian shards, is treated as non-magical difficult terrain.
After 24 hours, any obsidian created by the hammer crumbles into harmless black sand.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Heighten Spell, grease, obsidian flow, shatter; Cost 30,515 gp
I'll admit, I was soft on this weapon at first. The more I thought about it, though, the more I came around. By the end, I was voting it up almost every time.
I don't have any specific critique for the weapon; it's interesting, flavorful, and well-written. Good luck in the next round!
Not sure why, but I really am fond of this item. And last year I lamented all the earthbreakers, even goig so far as to wonder just WTF an earthbreaker even is. But now I know better. (Thanks Kaad. You did not fall in vain. Unless the GM never comes back.)
Simple is as simple does - and it seems full. It's all about the earth, with visual...impact, and nasty after effects.
As full as it is, I would like to have seen a little more, but that's me being greedy.
Well done Mark.
Yay, more magical polearms!! This was definitely within my favourites list the entire time. Really balanced and cool effects! Congratulations on making the Top 32 and good luck in the rest of the competition!
This is very cool. I like the lasting effect of the shards after the explosion. Good luck in the rest of the competition!
Welcome to the Top 32, Mark! Your submission has overcome the magic item horde and the many culls to emerge at the top of the heap. Congratulations!
I'll be one of the judges for this first round, offering my humble commentary which I hope will be helpful to you moving into Round 2. I will be considering each item based on three factors: functionality (does the item fill a useful niche within the rules?), mojo ("wow" factor--would I point out this item to someone else, or immediately get some cool concept to go with it?), and writing (is the formatting and text clear and error free? Is the prose interesting and evocative?)
Combining these elements successfully is, I feel, key to defining that elusive "Superstar" quality that we all want to see.
So you know what I'm looking for, now let's move on to the good bit: your ebon fury!
Functionality and Usefulness
Hammers don't get a ton of love in the magical weapons. Let alone lucerne hammers. Melee fighters struggle with not having a lot of options for area of effect attacks, and tend to have to rely on their equipment to provide that. Having that capability built in with a rather nice weapon helps, and does so in a way that isn't going to replace the party blaster.
I like that the effect can stop at the grease effect if desired, providing a little utility; I appreciate versatility that works with the item's style. I question having the shattering effect damage the wielder's allies as well, as written. For the solo fighter or as a Hail Mary attack, I can see it, but friendly fire hasn't been much of a thing. The party doesn't like getting smacked with the wizard's fireball. They wouldn't enjoy getting hit with this either.
The shattering is a really brutal and awesome effect overall, and the lingering difficult terrain makes it strategic, too. This definitely fulfills a role in magical weapon choices beyond "here's a bunch of weapons that do a bunch of damage".
The Cool Factor/Mojo
I was "eh" at the grease effect until I read the follow-up paragraph, and then I got the cool one-two punch effect. If it didn't blow up the party, too, it's one I'd be excited to use or show to the party fighter as a weapon to get. I'd cite the strategic utility of it as it's strongest selling point, as good as the blast damage and bleed is.
I like that you took a really simple theme--"this weapon is made of obsidian"--and built up a suite of well-knitted powers for that to wrap around.
Prose and Editing
The ideas are cool and your writing has good clarity and no errors. The imagery shows promise, but is not as evocative as I'd like it to be. I love the concise writing and how mechanically tight everything is, but a touch of sensory detail would've driven up the cool factor a little more.
Overall
You clearly know how to design a cool, balanced item that does cool stuff. Your capability with the mechanics and for considering non-obvious applications in your design are impressive. If anything needs work, it's keeping in mind the player perspective (friends don't blow up friends with obsidian shards) and shoring up writing to evoke more interest.
I am honored to have been allowed to provide feedback this year. I look forward to your entry for Round 2, Mark, and I know it'll be just as polished and exhibiting as much attention to detail as your item.
Congratulations again!
I mostly voted for this one.
I'm partial to polearms, so it had an advantage right from the start. I like that it uses both sides of the lucerne hammer, and does so in ways that make sense.
The grease bit is a nice touch, and in a lot of cases is all you need. In fact, as others mention, the friendly fire aspect of the second power probably limits its utility by a fair amount. But in those cases where you can use it, it's a doozy.
Something about the exploding obsidian felt kind of familiar, though, and that kept me from being completely in favor of the item.
Still, I can see a player wanting this, and spending most of a session waiting for a chance to use it. That's a good thing.
Nice. I don't know if I upvoted this every time I saw it, but I certainly did more often than not. Congrats on getting into the Top 32; looking forward to seeing your map.
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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Congrats on making the top 32. I'm not sure I get this weapon...especially at the price. So for 58K you can cast grease once a day (a first level spell with a low saving throw by the time you're able to afford this), and for a second standard action you can transform the grease area into 5d6 damage area of effect (plus bleed). Seems like not too much of an effect for giving up two full round attacks. Plus, those who save vs. the grease aren't as likely to be in the area by the time you can activate the explosion.
Congrats on making the top 32!
I was a big fan of this weapon. The one two punch is something I would love to see more of, especially in spells that just cream to be comboed like grease and fire spells, so to see the concept realized for melee types is wonderful. I like that it can hit allies, because this is not a one round wombo combo. You need at least 2 turns to pull it off, you can wait to detonate it, and there is a mechanical benefit while it is primed. All these combined to give you a good reason to sit on the original effect, and give your allies a visual warning to get out of this area. Good design!
My only critique would be to reword the area that is affected by the breaking bit. I would say simply "the area effected by the grease effect" instead of the 20 foot radius. You already spelled out the size of the grease effect, but if somebody moves before breaking it they might try to ally it from a 20 radius around them. best to only state the size one, and just reference the effected area to prevent misreadings or confusion.
A very strong entry. I look forward to seeing your map.
Best of luck in all future rounds!
I will be starting my reviews soon, and they can be bumpy at times, so here's a starter for 10 on Template ...
You nailed it!
You definitely nailed the template, I do wonder about the cost to price, it "feels" like something isn't right there - I guess the in depth review will check that so for now - very well done indeed!
Full review to follow in due course.
As promised yesterday, the GB&U this year is courtesy of me rather than GM_solsprial (he is busy drawing furiously). So without further ado, our amazing and awesome top 32+4 get the first set of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly critiques, and then on to everyone else who requested a critique in the CMI official thread, or in my shiny The GB&U Season 9 thread.
Ebon Fury
The Good: I love obsidian, I love that bloody spell obsidian flow, and even had another item of my own using the same spell, because it is bloody awesome. You also gave us a battlefield control reach weapon, and I for one thank you!
The Bad: The name fall a little flat for me, not a terrible name, but one that is not inspired either. I would have wanted something besides a word for black.
The Ugly: Given the super awesome powers, the items base type means I either have to spend a feat to use this as any class that does not get free martial weapons as a feature. I would have much rather seen a spear then a polearm, spear works for nearly everyone, making the item far more useful.
I will put the price/cost analysis to bed by telling everyone what I did. I think I did it right, but you guys can be the judge of that.
I put the price of the magic enchanting at 55,000 and dividing by 2 gives me a cost of 27,500. I now need to add to that the cost of an Adamantine Lucerne Hammer. One of those bad boys runs you 3,015 gold. Adding that to the price/cost gives you a total of 58,015/30,515. A weird looking combination to be sure.
So, did I make a mistake somewhere?
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Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9
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I agree that it is a little steep for a 1/day grease and another 1/day 5d6 area damage.
That said this weapon is very flavorful and thematic. I am happy with the choice of a lucerne hammer being used to break things (that's what they are designed for)
Only saw this once in voting and voted for it, great item.
Congrats!
Assistant Developer
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Star Voter Season 6
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Hello, Mark, and welcome to the Top 32!
I'll be a judge for this round, and I'm honored and pleased to offer feedback on your ebon fury. I hope this feedback provides some helpful insight to you as you move forward in the competition.
As an assistant developer at Paizo, I'll offer you three levels of commentary that approximate the development process: some first impressions, a deeper look, and some measured feedback.
So, let's get started!
First impressions: So, this weapon provides a nice bit of battlefield control, but as Victoria noted, it also has the potential to really peeve off the wielder's allies. So there's some give and take here, and that's something I would have liked to see reflected in the item's pricing. I also think the first descriptive sentence is a bit of a missed opportunity -- there's nothing here that makes the item visually memorable, which would have upped its game, particularly given the rather awesome area-of-effect ability it brings to the table.
Deeper look: Using the grease rules here is a nice touch, and the radius and damage on the obsidian flow ability is fine, though the bleed damage could stand to be knocked down a die step. Given its abilities, though, the weapons' CL needs to increase.
Measured feedback: It looks like you have some fantastic design and writing potential. Focus on keeping a careful eye on the balance between mechanics and pricing, and I'd bet you'll do quite well in the competition.
That said, thanks for reading, and best of luck in the contest!
Mark! Welcome...to the Top 32!
As one of the judges who'll be along for the entire ride of the competition, it's my duty (and pleasure) to offer up some commentary on your winning submission, as well as a bit of advice for the challenges to come. First up...your item...ebon fury...
Okay. The name makes me want to go all super-monster-truck-rally-announcer-voice...
SUNDAY! SUNDAY!
Witness the awesome power of...
That coolness aside, the name actually comes off feeling more like a unique weapon than something we'd see mass-produced in the game. I think we get a lot of these types of names, because a lot of designers get wrapped up in imagining a single, cool weapon they'd want for their character...or, as GMs, which they'd want to introduce into their campaign (whether for an NPC or as targeted treasure to reward a specific player's character). Regardless, it smacks of the "home campaign item" more than the type of item design you want to demonstrate as a Superstar freelancer.
So, going into it, I'm automatically looking for a reason to dislike the item just based on the name alone. And that's because another pet-peeve of mine is giving a magic item a name that really doesn't give us any idea what it is. Is this an angry weapon as dark as the night? A defending shield as black as the void? Or a wondrous item that draws aggressive summoned creatures from the shadow plane to fight for you? It could be any of those things, and the only way to know for sure is to read the actual description. Unfortunately, in a list of other magic items which actually let you know you're dealing with an obsidian axe or a shield of the void or a shadowspun bag of tricks, the ebon fury name runs the risk of getting overlooked or bypassed in favor of checking out the other stuff first. That's because if you're looking for a magic axe, shield, or bag of tricks, those other names call out to you. But, if you're looking for a magical lucerne hammer with serious mojo, ebon fury isn't necessarily going to identify it for you and may just skip right past it. See what I mean?
So, what's the lesson here? Ask yourself, "what's in a name?" And the answer should be a revealing, curiosity-invoking title that tells us what the item is and hints towards what it can do. If you can find ways of providing that with your naming choices, you'll raise your game and separate yourself from the pack. And that's what a Superstar designer should be striving to do.
Okay. Moving on...
Mojo. Now this is where your item design picks up the pace. Once we get past the uninformative, though cool-sounding name, we learn this is a wicked hammer with some serious power. We can generate slippery volcanic glass as a defensive, battlefield-control effect. And, we can also shatter that stuff and create hazardous terrain for anyone foolish enough to close on us, while shredding them with some serious razor-sharp shards of glass. Awesome. Mojo in a nutshell.
Cinematic. It's the same deal here. You can automatically envision some movie-making magic with the kinds of situations where ebon fury would see use. As a lucerne hammer, it's also got a bit more character to it than the run-of-the-mill warhammer. So, it's distinctive. It's flashy. And it still seems like more of a unique weapon than something any wizard would sit down and make for his fighter companion...but it's cool!
Usefulness. Yeah, you get some good marks here, because you've given us a hammer that's not just about bashing the enemy. Instead, you've given us a method of slashing them to pieces with all that volcanic glass. And it's got a terrain control ability with the grease effect, while enabling the wielder to have sure footing as he goes around bashing those who fall victim to it. So, we've got options in a weapon, and that's a Superstar design choice.
Mechanics. I think mechanically, it's decent. You didn't necessarily break any seriously new ground here, but you did weave in the existing mechanics in an interesting, thematic way which elevates rather than complicates. Of course, it's possible you didn't fully think through the effects beyond the wielder himself. As Victoria points out, this weapon's abilities...both with the grease and the area attack with the shards...has the potential to severely hinder or injure any allies inside the effect. Ordinarily, you'd just chalk that up to a strategic choice and trust that PCs adventuring at a level high enough to acquire this weapon would have options available to them to stay out of the effect. Still, it's something to consider when examining the overall design.
Personally, I also think (in combination) these abilities carry a bit of a powergame vibe to them. Essentially, a two-handed weapon wielder gets to knock down his opponents with grease, be unimpeded by it himself, attack while everyone is down and via any provoked attacks of opportunity as they try to stand up, attack them with a reach weapon, which is made of adamantine so it can ignore hardness (and remember lucerne hammers are excellent at sundering things, so it'll matter), and then smash the volcanic glass to create an eruption of shards to further shred anyone who finally manages to recover and get close enough for a counterattack...all while likely giving them 1d6 bleed damage, which should continue round after round unless you find a way to heal it in the middle of battle. Sound potent? It is.
Of course, anyone who can afford this weapon will likely be 11th level or higher...which means they'll routinely face CR 11 to CR 13 creatures...or maybe knock that down to CR 9 if we want to have them surrounded by enough opponents to warrant using the area effect abilities...and that means those creatures will get anywhere between a +8 (on a poor save) to a +14 (on a good save with a reasonable stat boost) to make the Reflex DC 16 to avoid the grease effect and take half damage while negating the bleed damage from the shards. So, I'm not sure this design is completely thought through yet on how the cool abilities will play out at the table.
Polished. The template looks tight. You did your homework. It's presented as professionally as you could make it. Well done. That's the mark of someone who can follow a publisher's style and emulate it.
Other than that, this is a very flavorful item. You hit some seriously creative notes to really inspire the imagination and draw in the voters. You've got the mojo, but, to me, there are also some things that got overlooked during the design process which give me pause. So, as advice for future rounds, I'd suggest you work on improving that. Really think through what your imagination has cooked up, and then make sure it has a proper game balance. Regardless, I offer you my sincere congratulations on making the Top 32, and I wish you continued success in the competition ahead! Next up, let's see what kind of mojo you've got for Round 2.
My two cents,
--Neil
Congratulations, Mark!
It's nice to see the polearms get a little more love. I've built a polearm fighter more than once, and I've never been fully satisfied by the options available to that class of specialist. I agree with Neil in that I don't think you broke a lot of new ground (pun intended) with the abilities, but the theme ties everything together nicely and the imagery seals the deal.
Can't wait to see what you hammer out for round 2!
Thank you judges for your critiques, they have certainly given me a lot to think about. Looking back I'm not sure why I made it a +3 weapon instead of a +1, which would have let me bring the price down quite a bit.
I do know why the DC is so low, and that's because I looked at weapons around the same price like the Warbringer and saw that the DCs on weapons like this are pretty low. Looking back I realize now that it hamstrings the weapon a bit. A lower price point is probably the solution.
I've tried to take your comments to heart in my round 2 design, and I hope you guys see some improvement. Thanks again.
Okay now that we have a few days before Top 16 reveals I've decided to comment on my competitors work. First, congrats one being a people's choice top 36. To me connecting more directly with the pathfinder community as an audience is even more impressive then clicking for a group of judges.
You're aware I liked this a lot. I particularly like that you went lucrene hammer and the AOE effects together on a well flavored reach weapon were just right IMHO.
RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32
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Star Voter Season 9
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Mark this weapon is so cool I'm recommending it to a player of mine who loves hammers. Great work here!
Also, since I'm in the market for a new car if I end up getting one in black I will call it
I look forward to competing with you in future rounds.
JWT
Ebon Fury
Congratulations for making it into the Top 32!
Seeing as that's how I had to start this, you're already a potential "Superstar" so keep that in mind!
That out of the way, I'm going to treat your item the same as if I saw it in the Critique My Item Thread, which means I'll be using the following comments, and assuming you're submitting this item as your "sample" for an Open Call to Fat Goblin Game's Call to Arms book line.
Feel free to disagree with me and DEFEND YOUR CHOICES!
Publishable — Love the mixed-material heads (so much, my first CtA: Axes & Picks included the concept), but think the grease effect is underwhelming, but the next bit is "neat". I'd almost say this item though is a Villain Item (on my list) or at least an NPC Item.
While this is one of best earth smashing/ shattering magic items I have seen, it is still an earth smashing hammer.
I do like the grease effect, that is new to earth smashing hammers.
Organized Play Line Developer
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Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9
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Congrats on making the top 32!
I enjoyed your item and voted for it a few times, although I do agree it's name could use some work.
I love that you made your weapon a lucerne hammer. The description about it's a little weak, but the visuals for the abilities are all really well done. I know a lot of people loved the grease effect, and I agree it's cool, but it's not really my cup of tea. On the other hand, I love the after-effects of the grease, and especially enjoy that it can be smashed for a radius attack (with an unfortunately low DC) and then sticks around as difficult terrain! Overall I think ebon fury sounds super cool, lots of fun, and offers some neat strategic abilities on an underused weapon type.
Well done and good luck in the next round!
Congratulations, Mark on earning a spot in this year’s Top 32! Here are a few thoughts regarding the ebon fury:
- I like the collection of materials that go into the description and serve as cues for the name. The fragile obsidian contrasts oddly with the adamantine, so I’m curious to see how it’s tied together in the powers of the item.
- There’s some word repetition that could distract readers with an eye for editing. You use “head” twice in quick succession in the first sentence, then “ground” twice in the second sentence. I’d suggest rewording these.
- Speaking of quick succession, nice work on layering the abilities of the hammer. It creates a sort of dramatic tension as the wielder builds on the severity of the effects.
- Adding bleed to the effects of the obsidian is a great thematic touch.
- The residue of black sand left behind shows a lasting consequence to the item’s use, and further reinforces the cause-effect layering of the two abilities. I like items that have a lasting impact. Very cool.
- Treating the ground as caltrops might have worked better than difficult terrain. Obsidian is really sharp, and I’d imagine quite dangerous to walk on. DT sells it a little short.
- The DCs are laughably low at the level a PC is likely to own a 58,015 gp item.
- A GM could have a lot of fun with this if it was equipped to a well-built character in the right situation. I still worry about those DCs though. A PC wanting a lucern hammer would probably keep it for the enhancement bonus and the adamantine and just look at the other ability as a nice little bonus, which isn’t how something this thematically interesting should be viewed.