My friend is an a%#~#+&. I'm gonna make him a character.

[Zolanoteph]

I have a friend who sucks at D&D and at life. He's also hella-fat, smells and is VERY MEAN TO PEOPLE. I'm gonna try to do his character justice.

STR 10
DEX 5
CON 10
INT 7
WIS 8
CHA 1

Class: Bloat Commoner (5)

Class Abilities:

JIGGLE RAGE: The bloat commoner can enter a state of jiggle rage for a number of rounds equal to his level plus his CON modifier, weeping and swinging his folds in a display of immaturity and entitlement. A character in Jigggle Rage gains the THROW ANYTHING feat and automatically gains RAGE POWER: PUTZ. When the Jiggle Rage ends the Bloat Commoner gains the "Settled In" condition.

SETTLED IN: A settled in character must sit and rest his aching knees. A settled in character must take a DC 15 Will Save to get out of bed.

EMOTIONAL WRECK: The Bloat Commoner must take -20 on all diplomacy, bluff, intimidate for being a complete social and emotional failure. He is treated as an Ooze for the purposes of employment.

BLAME OTHERS: The Bloat Commoner recieves a +20 (in)competence bonus on all rolls to convince himself that he is a victim. This bonus increases by +5 for each antidepressant prescription in his inventory.

FEATS:

1) Extra Jiggle Rage
3) Weapon Focus: Emotional Blackmail
5) Saddening Display

[Oceanshieldwolf]

Wow. So funny. But also kind of sad. I hope he doesn't make you into a character.

The Weapon Focus: Emotional Blackmail is fantastic.

As is the Throw Anything feat during an entitled Jiggle Rage. Watch out for those lead minis and d4-ikens.

[Mark Thomas 66]

I tried to make a number of different comments, and realized that even in text, I can't keep the disdain and contempt out of my "voice". Good job.

[captain yesterday]

This is b$!&!!@!, no one is this massive an a*#~!!@ as to make his friend a super s$!%ty character!

Stop wasting people's time and go outside for Christ's sake :-)

[Raymond Lambert]

Thanks for the.laughter and smiles.

I tnink the fat status might.actually reduce con.

[Threeshades]

If you don't like your friend, why is he your friend?

If you want to change your friend for the better, talk to him about the problems you have with him. And do it in a civil manner.

Don't do this. Seriously.

[LazarX]

You Humans have strange concept of friendship.

[Cinderfist]

rofl that's some serious funny right there.

[Saldiven]

I really didn't want to laugh when I started reading the OP, but I couldn't help myself.

The unfortunate thing is that I think I know at least one person who's LARPing that exact same character every day of his life.

[Mystically Inclined]

Count me in as another random passerby who is both disgusted and offended. You have an odd definition of the word 'friend' there, sir.

[Dave Justus]

Your friend seems troubled. You seem worse.

[Kobold Catgirl]

I think we're being punk'd, but even so, this thread is the worst thing. It's just the worst thng.

[Chris Lambertz]

Locking. Paizo.com isn't the place for this kind of hostile, negative, and ultimately unproductive style of posting. We are also absolutely not OK with malicious speech directed at people for their size, or for any other reason. Read the Community Guidelines before continuing to post.