Spectre Blight

[Monica Marlowe]

Spectre Blight
Aura moderate evocation; CL 9th
Slot no; Price 42,512 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
The head of this +2 ghost touch mithral heavy mace sits atop its haft as the flame of a lit torch.

A wielder of this +2 ghost touch heavy mace that possesses the channel energy class ability may channel positive energy into it as a swift action, causing the mace to shine with a soft white light. The mace then does an additional +2d6 damage to undead creatures on all attacks for one round. By spending an additional daily use of channeled energy, on impact a brilliant light radiates from the glowing mace dealing 1d6 points of positive energy damage to all undead in a 30 foot radius. All incorporeal undead in the area become semi-corporeal for 1d4 rounds. While affected, these creatures take damage from magical weapons as if they had the ghost touch ability and non-magical weapons as if they were magical.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, searing light, plane shift, channel energy 2d6; Cost 21,512 gp

[Mark Seifter]

Wording issues make it a little difficult to figure out what's happening. The ability to add 2d6 damage for 1 round is a cool twist on Channel Smite, and one that I like significantly better than the actual feat itself. The short duration automatic ghostbane dirge effect seems fitting, and matches well with the mace's ghost touch power, though I'd have liked to have seen ghostbane dirge in the construction requirements. One of the biggest problems with ghostbane dirge is that it targets Will, which is an undead's good save, so in many games of seeing casters use it, I've almost never seen the spell work. This has such a short duration, that it's a nice compromise; if the mace's wielder doesn't have excellent teamwork with her allies, the undead is just going to retreat into the wall until it's feeling less vulnerable (but even then, it could give enough time for the party to regroup, apply oils or ghost salt, or even cast a crucial lesser restoration). In the end, this is a Weak Keep from me.

[Liz Courts]

Hi there! I'll be one of the judges for this round, and I'll be looking at a couple of key points for your item: flavor, usability, and how the item is presented. For some background, I helped found the Wayfinder fanzine before I started working for Paizo, and I oversee every third-party Pathfinder Roleplaying Game product that makes its way onto Paizo.com.
Flavor
I like the name, but the abilities don't seem much more than a super-sized, bursting, longer lasting, fresh tasting, Channel Smite.
Usability
By the name, I was hoping for some sort of damage over time that would affect incorporeal undead, but that was not to be.
Presentation
Follows formatting and style guidelines. Forcing incorporeal undead to become "semi-corporeal"—what does that mean (oh, it's explained in the next sentence). Referencing another magical ability instead of restating to work with the item feels like a shortcut (an unnecessary one, given the spare word count). And no saving throw for those incorporeal undead? Why plane shift for a construction requirement (instead of the super-handy ghostbane dirge)?
Final Thoughts
Uninspiring mechanics. I do not recommend this item for advancement.

[Mark Seifter]

Kept.

[Owen K. C. Stephens]

My approach to judging these items is "How would I approach this as a developer?" If I would be pleased by the turnover and not see any reason to give negative feedback to the writer, that's great! If I'd keep it but it would take a lot of work or I'd want to let the writer know what needed improvement, that's fine but not perfect. If I'd scrap the item because it would be faster to write new material myself, that's bad.

The first line of description is very awkward, and would have to be rewritten, and most of it is essentially a Feat in a Can. The ability to make incorporeal undead vulnerable to weapons is much more interesting. It needs to be rewritten (semi-corporeal gets defined, but its also awkward), but that actually wouldn’t take much work. I think the idea of a cleric holding a glowing mace aloft and taking an action to give allies a better chance against ghosts and wraiths is worth keeping.

[Jacob Trier]

The Marlowe household sends another worthy contestant to RPGSS!

Congrats Monica.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Congrats, Monica! I'm laughing here, since I know you had never planned to enter the contest at all until this year's twist. Now go knock it out of the park.

Looking forward to seeing your map.

[MikeMyler]

Yayyyy Monica! :D

[Owen K. C. Stephens]

Monica writes the BEST "what have you done to me" messages!

[Andrew Black]

Sweet, I told you! Nice job now make us proud and vein us an awesome round 2!

[Monica Marlowe]

Thank you all for your feedback.

[Curaigh]

Congratulations Monica!
I am glad the twist in R1 convinced you to enter.
WooHoo! :)

[CripDyke]

Rats are doing the Conga for you, all over Golarion. Good job.

As for the weapon, I'm really not sure about quite a lot of things I'd like to be more sure of.

In particular
"on impact a brilliant light radiates from the glowing mace dealing 1d6 points of positive energy damage to all undead in a 30 foot radius"

So, I make my full complement of attacks, missing on every one, then I drop the mace as a free action...

when the mace hits the ground, do all undead take damage?

And when, exactly, do incorporeal undead become semi-corporeal? If/when they take 1d6 points of damage for being within 30' of the impact point of a charged mace? If when they are directly struck by the mace?

If they are semi-corporeal, can they still move through walls? At the same speed? Is their deflection bonus for being "incorporeal" different from their deflection bonus for being "semi-corporeal".

If they aren't "incorporeal" they don't have a deflection bonus, right? So what is "semi-corporeal"? Is it a subset of corporeal (as the language implies) or a subset of incorporeal (in which case, should we be saying, "semi-incorporeal")?

There are definite things to like here, but too much is too confused for me.

[Captain Phoenix]

Congratulations Monica!

I've been enjoying your posts on the forum, you've been a great guide to the RPG Superstar contest and I'm glad you made it through to round 2. Good luck!

[Monica Marlowe]

Jacob Trier wrote:

The Marlowe household sends another worthy contestant to RPGSS!

Congrats Monica.

Thank you!

I told my children they needed to step it up, they were next. I think your Simon's got what it takes, you know, once he learns to read, write and talk :-)

[Browman]

I think others have noted the main concerns with this weapon. I really like how it is a ghost touch weapon that helps those without ghost touch weapons fight incorporeal creatures.

[Monica Marlowe]

Browman wrote:

I think others have noted the main concerns with this weapon. I really like how it is a ghost touch weapon that helps those without ghost touch weapons fight incorporeal creatures.

As the resident cleric, this was the main inspiration for my mace. So many times it's been our one fighter who had a magic weapon and myself fighting what felt like a Disney's "Haunted Mansion" worth of ghosts, while the rest of my friends sat at the table playing Red Dragon Inn or something. That situation isn't fun for anyone, it's frustrating for those who cannot hit the enemy and for those who can hit connect, it becomes a solo grind without teamwork, flanking or anything else that makes group combat fun for the party.

Reading back over my item throughout the contest, the language I used was like nails on a chalkboard. I wish I had waited a little longer to submit it, maybe it wouldn't have been so clunky. And to show you just want a rookie I am at design, I don't use nor have I read all the Advanced Players Guide and was completely unaware of the awesome cleric 2 spell ghostbane dirge, hence its absence from the construction spell list. I chose plane shift because that is what you need to create ghost touch items and that was good enough for me. I still don't like the name, but nothing better has presented itself in the last 4 weeks, now it's out there and we're stuck with it, for better or worse. I have a lot to learn between now and Friday it seems.

Thank you everyone who voted for my item in Round 1 and have offered me congratulations, criticism and feedback. This is both exciting and daunting as a fledgling designer. The RPG SS fans have been my friends for many years, I hope I can give you the awesome products you deserve.

[Kiel Howell]

Congrats Monica! I saw this item 3 times very early on and then never again.

I love the word spectre so combining it with blight grabs the attention of the bat.

Opening sentence has a great idea to it, I would have reorganized it a bit to be a bit more strong in its presentation. But I love the idea of the head being like a lit flame.

"A wielder" instead of "The wielder".

I like the theme and the coordination of channeling. I like allowing teammates to temporarily be able to hit incorporeals. I just think the writing itself could be stronger.

Overall, this is a smaller wordcount item and you did a pretty good job making a cool function. I just felt like I needed some more "actiony" writing and some tighter writing. Looking forward to your R2!

[Phelps Tosscobble]

Mark Seifter wrote:

Wording issues make it a little difficult to figure out what's happening. The ability to add 2d6 damage for 1 round is a cool twist on Channel Smite, and one that I like significantly better than the actual feat itself. The short duration automatic ghostbane dirge effect seems fitting, and matches well with the mace's ghost touch power, though I'd have liked to have seen ghostbane dirge in the construction requirements. One of the biggest problems with ghostbane dirge is that it targets Will, which is an undead's good save, so in many games of seeing casters use it, I've almost never seen the spell work. This has such a short duration, that it's a nice compromise; if the mace's wielder doesn't have excellent teamwork with her allies, the undead is just going to retreat into the wall until it's feeling less vulnerable (but even then, it could give enough time for the party to regroup, apply oils or ghost salt, or even cast a crucial lesser restoration). In the end, this is a Weak Keep from me.

I never saw this item as more then just a clericy mace. Thank you Mark for explaining exactly why this item is better then I thought, and why it deserves top 32.

Whether or not the writer meant it to be, its clever. Tightening up that writing. Make me like you more.

Weak keep.

[Ambrosia Slaad]

Congrats! I only made Dedicated, so I think I only saw your item once, maybe twice, and it was an easy upvote.

Yeah, the mechanics could be tighter and a bit clearer, but I knew exactly what was intended, and I thought players and GMs would too. The item might not be teleport-y or ground a'spolde-y flashy, but it had a focused theme/purpose and evoked a clear mental image of its effects in combat. I can think of at least two encounters in two different Paizo APs where the players would definitely wish they'd had it. It pulls its weight for the price, and I think if the GM dropped it as loot, most clerics and oracles would keep it (or only reluctantly part with it).

Being in the Top 32 is something to wear proudly. You did it; good job! So take a deep breath, get the sugar and caffeine on a drip feed, and do your very best knitting a SupaStah! map for Round 2. :)

[Luthia]

Congratulations on making the top 32.

Strangely I recall seeing your item maybe once... and that was early in the voting. The function is interesting, but as has been remarked, ghostbane dirge would really work well with this item.

Still, the basic idea works for me. Most things that need commenting have been said. With the word count being what it is I would have likely a little bit more description/flavor to make it look and sound interesting in some way.

[Jaragil]

Congratulations on making it to the Top 32!

Gotta be honest with you, I didn't warm up to this, though that applies to all of the channel items. There are already a multitude of feats and class option that offer possibilities for varied channeling. Thus this seems slightly unnecessary.

The are of effect ability on the other hand is great in my opinion, the incorporeal to semicorporeal especially. That's a solid niche to focus on and the item does it well. Offers some solid options, can game really in handy in a multitude of situations and is evocative as well.

All in all not one of my favourites, but a good, solid item nonetheless. The best of luck for the upcoming rounds!

[Christopher Wasko]

Congratulations, Monica! Over 3,000 votes and I never saw this item even once! What a pity, because I definitely would have supported it. Love the semi-incorporeal mechanic, great job!

[Gabriel Almer]

Congratulations, Monica!

I found the description of this item somewhat confusing - I assumed it was meant to imply the ephemeral nature of the weapon's head, hinting towards its ghost-touch ability?
You have identified an existing problem that shows up at many gaming tables (frustrating fights against incorporeal undead) and your item adresses that problem. For a cheaper item, I would have actually liked the idea that you can expend a limited resource like channel energy to gain an effect similar to the undead bane special quality.

Good luck in the next round!

[Matt Morris]

Congrats, Monica!

Your item was one of the last ones I was waiting to see during voting--I was checking the community list. The name was really evocative, so I was hoping it would come up in each new voting pair!

I was also curious, based on the name, what kind of overlap our items would have. Happy to see that we were playing in the same playground, but on different swing sets, as it were.

Also, wanted to say thanks to you, again. You probably don't remember, but you gave me a really thoughtful critique last year, and it was a big factor in my decision to enter again this year. So, thanks! Good luck in Round 2.

[Lady Firedove]

Congrats, Mamaursula! :)

I like your item. The name is evocative, the item creatively addresses a group gaming problem, and it would be fun to use. Nice job!

[Monica Marlowe]

Matthew Morris wrote:

Congrats, Monica!

Your item was one of the last ones I was waiting to see during voting--I was checking the community list. The name was really evocative, so I was hoping it would come up in each new voting pair!

I was also curious, based on the name, what kind of overlap our items would have. Happy to see that we were playing in the same playground, but on different swing sets, as it were.

Also, wanted to say thanks to you, again. You probably don't remember, but you gave me a really thoughtful critique last year, and it was a big factor in my decision to enter again this year. So, thanks! Good luck in Round 2.

To be fair, my heart sunk a little when I saw your item's name, because I love the name and the concept of a psychopomp, and then I was relieved to see they were similar without doing the same thing. I voted for your item A LOT.

I am humbled to know that my review of your item had such an impact. While I remember writing a review for you, I do not remember exactly what it was or what I said, I hope I was kind, sometimes my opinions are off the cuff and direct, which means they come across as harsh :-)

I am thrilled to see so many people among the Top 32 that I have watched grow in their designing abilities. It's going to be hard to watch this for me, because I want everyone to succeed!

[Feros]

Congratulations on making the Top 32! Great work!

A mace designed for use against incorporeal undead is fairly solid. I liked how it can make incorporeal creatures easier to damage for short periods of time. Ultimately it was more or less just an expanded form of ghost touch/channel smite, though.

[Mark Nordheim]

Nice job Monica. Its always good to see another Freelance Forge member in the top 32. I count this item as one that fills a niche that really needed filling -- something to make encounters with incorporeal undead work better in group play and allow everyone to participate. I'm surprised there wasn't already a weapon like this; at first glance this didn't seem very original, but after thinking about it I realized there was nothing else like it.

Congratulations!

[Monica Marlowe]

Thank you Feros!

Thank you Mark, I hope to do the Forge proud!

[Jessica Price]

Congrats, Monica!

[Joel Flank]

Congrats on making the top 32.

I like that your weapon actually is used as a weapon to delivery at least one of it's magical abilities. Unfortunately, while some compare it as similar to Channel Smite feat, to me it seems like a less useful version of the bane weapon special ability, since it doesn't increase the enhancement bonus of the weapon, and it requires use of a channel energy to activate for only a round.

The second ability, seems too similar to ghostbane dirge for my tastes to make it stand out. Also, the fact that you can activate it as a swift action seems overpowered when combined with the fact that there's no save. I'd have much rather seen this ability activate when you hit an incorporeal creature and use a channel energy as a swift action. Limiting it to one creature per activation and tying it to actually attacking with the weapon is far more appropriate than a simple activation. The wielder could spend their attacks hitting successive incorporeal targets, and let their allies then take them down.

[Grumpus]

Congrats Monica!

I probably only voted for this half of the time. Hard to follow wording and formatting/template errors made it hard to get my vote.

The line " By spending an additional daily use of channeled energy," I was confused is this in addition to the first swift action channel? do you spend 2 channels at once as a swift? Or this this just a completely separate ability from the first?

Anyhow, good luck next round

[Ask A RPGSupersuccubus]

Monica Marlowe wrote:

Spectre Blight

Aura moderate evocation; CL 9th
Slot no; Price 42,512 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
The head of this +2 ghost touch mithral heavy mace sits atop its haft as the flame of a lit torch.

A wielder of this +2 ghost touch heavy mace that possesses the channel energy class ability may channel positive energy into it as a swift action, causing the mace to shine with a soft white light. The mace then does an additional +2d6 damage to undead creatures on all attacks for one round. By spending an additional daily use of channeled energy, on impact a brilliant light radiates from the glowing mace dealing 1d6 points of positive energy damage to all undead in a 30 foot radius. All incorporeal undead in the area become semi-corporeal for 1d4 rounds. While affected, these creatures take damage from magical weapons as if they had the ghost touch ability and non-magical weapons as if they were magical.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, searing light, plane shift, channel energy 2d6; Cost 21,512 gp

Disclaimer:

This post constitutes the views of a CE inclined Very Advanced succubus. For those uncertain what that should imply, congratulations, you're at least thinking along the right track, but probably not worried enough. No: almost certainly, not nearly worried enough. Unless you happen to be that glovier from Magnimar that I had for tea last weekend, in which case it's a bit too late now anyway, but my apologies to your next-of-kin for the scorch marks on your hall carpet (but I *DID* put the tablecloth in to soak in good time, so the wine stains *should* come out).

Is the Item Decorative?
At first glance the description of what the item looks like is a bit contrary and (presumably) intended to confuse. At one moment, the mace is apparently 'mithral'; at another moment it's not. And the head seems to be either carved to resemble flames, made of flames, or some sort of weird, shifting metal globule stuff, constantly mutating like flames (or possibly all three at once).
Obviously the item is actually made out of some sort of constantly-mutating chaos matter. And (generally speaking) chaos matter is highly decorative. Just so long as it doesn't dribble into contact with anything valuable but easily damaged, that is.
Decorative score? 6 out of 7.

Does the Item have Any Obvious non-Decorative Use Around the Home?
Well, as an impromptu light-source, perhaps, but otherwise no. So not many marks on this section.
non-Decorative Domestic Use score? 1 out of 7.

Does the Item seem Likely to be Helpful in the Fantasy Setting of an Imaginary World where 'Operation Sealion' is taking Place?
So the (for simplicity's sake) Nasties are lining up with all their little boats to launch an invasion-attempt across a strait upon a nation of perfectly (socially) harmless tea-drinkers. And then there's this item.
So what impact is this item likely to have on proceedings?
None really, on actual proceedings. It's the sort of thing that might be held aloft at the front of a group of troops at the victory parade afterwards, as part of some kind of regimental regalia.
'Sealion' score? 1 out of 7. (Technically it shouldn't get a mark here, but I feel disposed to be generous on account of the whole made-from-chaos-matter business.)

Total: 8 out of 21.

Further Disclaimer:
Sighting of a post by 'Ask A RPGSupersuccubus' is by no means a guarantee that any further posts will be forthcoming anywhere, in this contest. Voters should obviously vote for whomever (if anyone) they feel like voting for.

[Monica Marlowe]

Ask A RPGSupersuccubus wrote:

Disclaimer:
This post constitutes the views of a CE inclined Very Advanced succubus. For those uncertain what that should imply, congratulations, you're at least thinking along the right track, but probably not worried enough. No: almost certainly, not nearly worried enough. Unless you happen to be that glovier from Magnimar that I had for tea last weekend, in which case it's a bit too late now anyway, but my apologies to your next-of-kin for the scorch marks on your hall carpet (but I *DID* put the tablecloth in to soak in good time, so the wine stains *should* come out).

Is the Item Decorative?
Does the Item have Any Obvious non-Decorative Use Around the Home?
Well, as an impromptu light-source, perhaps, but otherwise no. So not many marks on this section.
non-Decorative Domestic Use score? 1 out of 7.

Thank you, I think. I would counter that while the Specter Blight has no real household uses beyond impromptu lighting during a haunt, it has innumerable possibilities for cosplay purposes during Andoran Independence Day celebrations when one might choose to dress as the statuary in the harbor, which was completely unintentional at the time of designing.

[mplindustries]

Disclaimer:

So, I am making a point to comment on every item in the competition now, and I it is no longer kosher to start a thread just for your own comments. So, here we are.

Why am I critiquing every item? Well, frankly, I love this sort of thing. I sincerely enjoy editing and the art of the critique. I have long considered starting a blog to that end, and maybe this will be the kickstart I need. Speaking of which, if you want to hire an editor, I'd be happy to help ;)

Regardless, the point of my criticism is always to help. Nothing is perfect, so everything can potentially be made better. My comments will often be less than flattering, but they will never come from a place of malice. The point here is to make your item better, not to make you feel bad.

So, what am I looking for, here, when I judge these items? My primary focus is on rules knowledge, clarity/simplicity, and usability. You can come up with the most creative item on the planet, but if nobody is going to actually use it in a real game, who cares? And it doesn't matter if nobody uses it because it's obviously too strong, too weak for its price, too confusing/complicated to actually adjudicate at the table, or just too niche to have an actual target audience.

Finally, know that I did not read any critiques of your item yet. These are all my first thoughts based only on the item itself, so, I apologize if I repeat things others have said already.

Now, let's get to the critique!

As always, congratulations on making the top 32. No matter what I thought of your item, you won, and you should feel awesome!

So, I actually had this item on my keeper list for a while, but took it off in the end and put it in the "maybe" pile. To be honest, I can't remember why. I really like it. I think it might be because I was trying to be more predictive, and didn't think an item that made incorporeal enemies so very boned would make it.

The main ability is maybe a little weak (2d6 extra damage for one round), but the AoE damage ability is really great, and I love making the ghosts semi-corporeal.

There are minor problems--these must be why I didn't think it could win. First, the construction requirements are weird. Why is ghostbane dirge not on this list? And you could be more clear about the second ability.

Do I spend 1 channel to deal +2d6 for a round or 2 channels to deal +2d6 and 1d6+semi-corporeality in a 30' radius for a round? Or do I spend 1 channel to deal +2d6 for a round and then, on any idividual hit, I can spend another channel to deal 1d6+semi-corporeality in a 30' radius? Basically, if I hit four times, does it take 2 channels to burst out four times, or 5?

And if I hit four times, does the semi-corporeality last for 5d4 rounds, or the highest d4 rounds of 5d4?

Anyway, if my party found this item, I am pretty sure we'd want it, unless we totally lacked a character capable of channeling. Dealing with incorporeality is always important. This is maybe a little too expensive for a utility weapon, but it's still generally worth having. I can definitely see characters that would want it custom made, and by the time 40k becomes chump change, I think every Cleric, Paladin, Warpriest, Life Oracle, etc., would want one.

Overall, you need to work on your clarity, but otherwise, good job.

[Monica Marlowe]

mplindustries wrote:

The main ability is maybe a little weak (2d6 extra damage for one round), but the AoE damage ability is really great, and I love making the ghosts semi-corporeal.

There are minor problems--these must be why I didn't think it could win. First, the construction requirements are weird. Why is ghostbane dirge not on this list? And you could be more clear about the second ability.

Do I spend 1 channel to deal +2d6 for a round or 2 channels to deal +2d6 and 1d6+semi-corporeality in a 30' radius for a round? Or do I spend 1 channel to deal +2d6 for a round and then, on any idividual

Thank you for your kind words, I haven't really explained my whole reason for designing Spectre Blight due to having to make a map, but since you asked a lot of excellent questions, I'll try to answer these and other questions.

To begin, I almost exclusively play the cleric in our party and on many occasions have watched my friends sit at the table, bored to tears because they cannot participate in a fight (which I have mentioned before.) I wanted to make a weapon that could only be crafted by those who truly followed the way of clerics and warpriests, none of that silly wizard/sorcerer dipping in to a class to make an awesome weapon, so the requirement of 2d6 channeling dice comes from there.

I chose to go with only +2d6 because it would occur on every successful hit and I felt that going much higher made the use of this weapon by lower level PCs overly powerful and reduce the challenge of facing a room full of ghosts, but at the same time did more than a single expenditure of channeling did once a round.

As the design progressed and some of the aspects changed, I failed to tighten the language of the piece back up and there are definitely language artifacts in here, like the first line, which should have been rolled into the first paragraph - note the missing "mithral."

This is the first anything I have ever designed and I have not read all or even most of the Pathfinder books, I didn't even realize ghostbane dirge existed until after it was brought up in the judging. I used planar shift because it was the required spell for ghost touch and if it worked for making a weapon pound on ghosts, it worked for me :-) If this was ever published, ghostbane dirge would definitely be a part of the Construction requirements. This would also tighten down the "no wizards allowed" rule I had.

Now for another design artifact - I had original had the burst effect go off on critical hits only, but someone pointed out during a proofread that that was a freaking awesome effect and should be able to be planned for, rather than a happy accident. Since I cannot roll a critical, much less confirm them with any regularity, I saw the wisdom in that suggestion and during the rework the language got muddied.

One channeling expenditure is to activate the +2d6 per attack. Spending two channelings gives both the +2d6 and the burst effect. There is only one opportunity to expend your channeling per round and you have to decide up front, one or two. That means a lower level cleric has to decide is it worth blowing all of their possible remaining channels in a single round and give their party members a chance to wail on a whole room full of spooks, who all end up taking 1d6, or is she going to be judicious and just focus on the ghost in front of her? It's all about the situation and making the most of your divine resources and her party's strengths.

Ultimately I wish I had made it a little more powerful, I was going for balance without stepping into the land of gonzo. I feel that clerics may be the best "balanced" class, but they lack for love in the treasure department, I wanted to make something I would love. I know that if this ended up in a treasure pile that I came across, I would jump for joy and think that Cayden Cailean Day had come early this year or something.

[Sebastian Hirsch]

Nice item, sometimes clerics really need their time to shine, and this item should allow them to feel quite epic.

Good luck in the next round.

[Lucus Palosaari]

Congratulations for having made it to Top 32 AND Top 16!

Sorry I'm late to the party, I hadn't realized how big a task commenting on everyone else's items was going to be in the Official Critique Thread!

Seeing as how many other people have commented above me, and you've moved well on from this point... I'm going to keep my comments brief. To understand my rating system, see my larger post on my critique thread.

As an overall comment, each and every one of you that made it to the Top 32 must have had a "Publishable" item in my opinion because you appealled to not only the voters but also the judges -- so if I say "Rewrite" it's more to be "rewriteable to be SUPERSTAR!"

Publishable -- Most people that adapt a weapon to use channel energy do something very different, but you had a cool idea here I like it.