Breaking Golarion News!


Lost Omens Campaign Setting General Discussion

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And here is a report from our Numerian corespondent: 01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100001 01100011 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100101 01110011 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101110 00100000 01001111 01100010 01100101 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100001 01100011 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100101 01110011 00101110 .


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KahnyaGnorc wrote:
Aroden is STILL dead.

HEAR YE, HEAR YE! Die hard Aroden fans decry the rumors of his demise as greatly exaggerated, yell "HE'S NOT DEAD! HE'S JUST HIDING!"

Scarab Sages

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Town Cryer wrote:
KahnyaGnorc wrote:
Aroden is STILL dead.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! Die hard Aroden fans decry the rumors of his demise as greatly exaggerated, yell "HE'S NOT DEAD! HE'S JUST HIDING!"

Paladins of Iomedea are interviewing persons of interest. The investigation is ongoing. No questions at this time. Thank you.


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From Ustalav we're being told of a man who bit a werewolf.

Click to read our ten best ways to avoid lycanthropy.


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Asmodeus invite his clergy and faithfull to kill mice in everyway possible, and to proclam each time the perennial truth: "A Rodent is Dead!"

Liberty's Edge

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Starfinder Superscriber

PATHFINDERS: SEEKERS OF SECRETS, OR SIMPLE MURDERHOBOES? The shocking secret of Absalom's favorite not-so-secret society exposed.

Liberty's Edge

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Starfinder Superscriber

ARODEN SIGHTED SHOPPING AT 7-11 IN KALAMAZOO, MICHEGAN.

Pharasman clerics assert that evidence of his death is uncontestable: "The King is dead."


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rknop wrote:

ARODEN SIGHTED SHOPPING AT 7-11 IN KALAMAZOO, MICHEGAN.

Pharasman clerics assert that evidence of his death is uncontestable: "The King is dead."

Wow, is it just me or are these articles seriously out of date? I mean, I haven't been in K-Zoo for two years and Elvis has been dead for decades. Journalistic standards these days, jeez.


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Druma and the prophets of Kalistrade would like to remind you tomorrow is WHITE FRIDAY! NO TAXES! MODERATE DISCOUNTS! Come get these trade goods while supplies last! Bonus deals if you dress in white!


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Town Cryer wrote:
Druma and the prophets of Kalistrade would like to remind you tomorrow is WHITE FRIDAY! NO TAXES! MODERATE DISCOUNTS! Come get these trade goods while supplies last! Bonus deals if you dress in white!

And the merchants of GEB would like to remind you that, although WIGHT Friday has passed, tomorrow is SCRYING Monday. Tune your crystal balls to have a look at the SHORT-LIVED savings at our END-OF-THE-LINE zombie stock! Order via FEATHER TOKEN or SENDING, it doesn't matter! We'll send those zombies straight to your door via TELEPORT today!

(Please select either TELEPORT or GREATER TELEPORT for shipping options. If TELEPORT is selected, we cannot be held responsible for lost or damaged undead servants.)

Scarab Sages

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goldomark wrote:
And here is a report from our Numerian corespondent: 01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100001 01100011 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100101 01110011 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101110 00100000 01001111 01100010 01100101 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100001 01100011 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100101 01110011 00101110 .

Compile error 34q8

REDO FROM START(Y/N?)


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NEWSFLASH! Recent studies have shown that fallen paladins are the #1 group most likely to succumb to S.A.D (Sudden-onset Antipaladin Disorder).

But fret not, paladins! Druma Industries scientists have developed a way to prevent falling in the first place, FAITH ALERT! When you're facing temptation, hold this phylactery and we'll be notified. A cleric will be on their way to help you in your time of need! Don't be alone! Get Faith Alert before it's too late!

"Help, I've fallen, and I can't atone!"


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Interested in learning about the sacred ways of Korada? Want to attain enlightenment in just a single week? Would you like to have an all expenses paid trip to an ancient temple including a tour of the sacred facilities? Then just SEND the sacred mantra to me and I'll have you here just in time for the annual ceremonies.

Today's sacred mantra is:
"Pensive, cash-free, you can halve Mai's ole 'tude, eh?"


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The Monk protests continue today, the protesters shouting "We're M.A.D. as Hells, and we're not gonna take it anymore!" and "We're sad that we're not S.A.D.!"


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KahnyaGnorc wrote:
The Monk protests continue today, the protesters shouting "We're M.A.D. as Hells, and we're not gonna take it anymore!" and "We're sad that we're not S.A.D.!"

Monks form special Monk Advocacy Group, M.A.M.A. (Monks Against Multiple Attributes)! More news at 11!


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EXTRA! EXTRA! Starfall experiences rampant blackouts for the first time in 10 years. Official reports blame adventurers running rampant in the power grids. However, experts in the know say they're brown-outs caused by the biggest televangelist broadcast Golarion has ever known!

Grand Lodge

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BREAKING NEWS!!!

This just in! We have learned, just this afternoon that an eldritch horror from Golarion's distant past will destroy us all before sundown.

Story at 11.

Scarab Sages

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Good Morning Golarion! We've just received word that we've been saved from an eldritch horror from Golarion's distant past by...well, it appears that Groetus swooped down, ate it, then zoomed away again. Thank you so much, Groetus! See you again soo-WAITITAKETHATLASTPARTBACK!

In other news: Zeppo the water-skiing flumph!


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Vellumis- An emissary from Razmiran, the cult of the living god seems to have arrived in the diplomatic center of the crusader nation of lastwall. The international city's harbor master fears that "the emissaries may have misinterpreted Lastwalls tolerance of emissaries from the infernally influenced Cheliax [only because they remain harmless] to be an open invitation for all unholy tyrants." It may be only a matter of time before they begin preaching blasphemy' sand meet a swift arrest and deportation by the no-nonsense Watchknights.


Extree-extree!

Breaking news!

(Sorry, I didn't mean to break it!)

The population of gnomes, aasimar, and even humans and other races with innate magical ability have suddenly and inexplicably plummeted in certain areas!

Potentially related, though it's uncertain how, many who have followed specific traditions blending certain more typical skill-sets together have suddenly lost their powers, or have experienced extreme confusion and inability to further their unique styles, leading to refocus and training in more traditional methods of action. Some have even inexplicably outright lost many of their abilities altogether!

Sages (some of whom are among the affected) are puzzling over the strange and sudden collapse within these communities, and debate rages over whether this is an augur of weal or woe for the future of the world and such races in general!


Alain just got run out of another of the River Kingdoms - he used the local bigwig's cloak to wipe off Duncan with.

(Not that said bigwig deserved any better, but there's such a thing as choosing your time. Sheesh.)

Grand Lodge

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Breaking news out of Belkzen tonight as riots erupted after a local market ran out of amulets of bullet protection and headbands of wisdom. The spike in demand is blamed on an unusual number of illusionists, enchanters, and gunslingers that have entered the nation, roaming the countryside and harassing local orc and giant populations with their high DC will saves, and touch AC targeted attacks!

Scarab Sages

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The Andoran Navy has been on a tear throughout the Inner Sea recently, overwhelmingly winning battle after battle, but also generating increased reports of disruptive behavior in port towns. Andoran officials insist they've changed nothing about their methods, save for a few months ago when they decided to switch the staple of their navy's diet from hardtack to spinach.


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And now, a letter from our readers...

01010111 01100101 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101111 01101111 00101100 00100000 01101111 01101000 00100000 01100111 01110010 01100101 01100001 01110100 00100000 01001001 01110010 01101111 01101110 00100000 01000111 01101111 01100100 01110011 00100001

Dark Archive

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Gnome Mercy!

The string of brutal murders that have plagued the Petal District came to a shocking end this past day as the bleachling twins Istavos and Renbimi, also known as the ‘Gnome Mercy Killers,’ slew each other rather than allow themselves to be taken into custody by constables who had surrounded the site of their latest atrocity. Their rambling manifesto purports that they targeted those who ‘stole beauty from the world, and joy from the hearts of others’ by purchasing up objects (or persons) of rare beauty and keeping them sequestered away for private viewing, claiming that their acts were forestalling a second Age of Darkness by returning beauty to the world through murdering those who would keep them locked away. The church of Shelyn has denounced this doctrine as a misguided perversion of their tenets, and expresses hope that the souls of their victims will find the same beauty in the next life that they surrounded themselves with in this one.


EXTRA! EXTRA! Reed all about it! Don't worry, papyrus doesn't bite!

Following her gracious assistance of adventurers to overcome the Cult of the unfortunately not-so Forgotten Pharaoh, Lady Muminofrah lands record deal with Druma Outfitters and becomes designer and spokeswoman for the first Plus-Sized Adventurers clothing line known here and far across the Inner Seas!

The Exchange

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This just in from our correspondent in The Shackles!

After a year-long poll, Pirates report that their favorite letter is, in fact, not "R"

A Shackles' Pirate's first love is the "C".

Grand Lodge

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Prominent Chelaxian Sex Scandal:

Zarta Dralneen, the Chelish ambassador in Absalom, was revealed earlier this week to conduct much of her diplomatic duty in a secret sex chamber adjoining her quarters. All manner of devices employed in consensual bondage were found within, apparently equally well used and maintained. We reached out to her colleague at the Pathfinder Society, Venture Captain Ambrus Valsin, for comment. Mr. Valsin, are you shocked at the recent revelation of Ms. Dralneen's...bedside manner?

VALSIN: What? Have you met Zarta? That's practically the only thing she ever talks about! Last week she commissioned six of my junior agents to recover her favorite 'toy'. The toy was a politician.


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And now your latest headlines from Spook News!
The Ghostbusters finally arrive on Golarion to bust Zuul once and for all only to find the Auditors of Reality have ret-conned her out of existence! Early bird catches the ghoul, guys, better luck next time!


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Breaking news from Absalom: Another high ranking Paladin fell carrying out his orders from the Society. A representative from the Silver Crusade left no comment, but when she left to the other room the reporter could hear sounds of objects breaking and violent cursing.

UPDATE: The representative has also fallen.

Dark Archive

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Paladin Falls!

Sir Whately Whinge Poncebottom the Third of the Silver Sable Rangers Company has fallen off of his celestial hippogriff into the market square, crushing an applecart. Those who misunderstood the nature of his fall began taking up a collection for his atonement, but after some clarification, the donations are going for his resurrection (minus the cost of one applecart).


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Set wrote:

Paladin Falls!

Sir Whately Whinge Poncebottom the Third of the Silver Sable Rangers Company has fallen off of his celestial hippogriff into the market square, crushing an applecart. Those who misunderstood the nature of his fall began taking up a collection for his atonement, but after some clarification, the donations are going for his resurrection (minus the cost of one applecart).

See what happens when you perish at an inopportune time without extralife insurance, folks? Your resurrection could leave your loved ones, familiars, and adventuring companions penniless. Don't leave them dependent upon the kindness of strangers like NPCs are wont to do!

And for those of you who thought you could never afford extra-life insurance, don't worry, the Druid is here to tell you that with All-Fate forgiveness, your first time dead by "rocks fall, you die!" will not increase your premiums. A few gold pieces a month could lend you a whole new angle on life! All-Fate, reincarnation is on your side!

Scarab Sages

You might come back with hands. TM. All-Fate.

Dark Archive

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Queen Galfrey Crowdfunding Wardstone Maintenance!

Recent demon incursions from the Worldwound serve only to reinforce the dire state of repair of the aging Wardstone infrastructure. Hoping to inspire a patriotic effort to rally around these vital structures, the Queen has taken to GoldFundThee.com to create a strictly-voluntary(*) fund for maintenance and upkeep of the wardstones. Payments can be made in gold, jewels or objets d'art, via writ from the Bank of Abadar, or through PayPaladin (tm).

*Not voluntary to those bearing Shield-Marks or Sword-Marks.

Stretch goals will include funding for mass-produced arrows of bane (evil outsider) from Druma, as well as bulk purchases of holy water, antiplague and weapon blanche (cold iron).

Dark Archive

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Breaking News! Cayden Cailean *failed* the Test of the Starstone!

It has been recently discovered that Cayden Cailean entered the Starstone Cathedral after failing a contest of wills with his intelligent rapier 'Drinks All the Drinks' which would regularly possess the weak-willed warrior so that it could sample the ales, beer and wines (and other fleshly pursuits) denied to it due to it's inanimate nature. The intelligent *sword* passed the Test of the Starstone, and continues to drag it's human wielder around, pretending that the human has been in control (and ascended to divinity) all this time!

Shadow Lodge

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the best selling book of kuthite propaganda, Fifty undead shades of inexplicable terrifying darkness has become under attack by mystery cultists of Falanya


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*MAJOR NEWS BREAKTHROUGHT! The REAL IDENTIFY of Norgorber has been discovered! It is *REDACTED*!


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And now a statement from the desk of the Prince of Darkness himself, the great and almighty Asmodeus.

"I the First, the Great, the King of Hell, Lord Asmodeus, hereby demand that the phrase 'snowball's chance in hell' be forever put to rest and forbidden, because from where I am standing, Nessus is pretty damned chilly.

I would thank you for taking the time to listen to this, but I hate petty mortals, and it's not like you had a choice! SO THERE! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

And there you have it folks, you heard it here fist, straight from the God-Fiend himself.


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Breaking news:

The goddess Bright is not amused by the Calistrian book "50 shades of grease"

Shadow Lodge

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Molthune is on trial for war crimes against nirmanthas

Sovereign Court

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Town Cryer wrote:
*MAJOR NEWS BREAKTHROUGHT! The REAL IDENTIFY of Norgorber has been discovered! It is *REDACTED*!

Wasn't me.

Scarab Sages

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In a shocking declaration, Fafnheir, Father of All Linnorms, claims to have been draconic before draconic was cool.


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Breaking Entertainment News out of Ustalav: Alison Kindler and Anne Rice in Fierce Twitter War.

Fans debate- "Whom is the washed-up, bitter cat-lady?"


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Murder investigation in Galt ends when all the suspects (and some non-suspects . . .oh and the investigators, and the government officials who backed the investigation and the government officials who were against the investigation and . . .) were executed.

Dark Archive

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Update to last Galt article;

Those responsible for executing those who wrongly executed those other people have themselves been executed, as the verdict of guilt on the executioners-to-be-executed was reversed.

Due to this miscarriage of justice, the judge, court and jurors were also found guilty of wrongful execution, and executed.

Further update;

The Final Blade used for all the abovementioned executions has reached a critical threshold of absorbed souls, and animated as an evil daemonic construct that is rampaging across the countryside, whacking off people's heads and bellowing nonsense about 'justice for all.'

Adventurers willing to engage the beast are sought, with the understanding that attacking or damaging or even resisting an instrument of Galtan justice will, naturally, carry the death penalty...


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Breaking Consumer Report News Out of Numeria:

Class-Action law suit filed against Numerian Futuristic Solutions- As many 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wives claim that botched cosmetic enhancements, changed their "creature type" from "humanoid", to "Aberration" in latest Bestiary.

Husband on records stating "I didn't sign up for this sh^t! There never used to be teeth down there!"

First wives reportedly "laughing hysterically" at turn of events.


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pathfinder society to mount new expedition to Deep tolguth partys possessions to be auctioned off 3 days from now

Dark Archive

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The Pathfinder Society reports success in their ongoing war with the rival Aspis Consortium, and that the second-in-command of the Aspis Consortium has been killed.

This is not a repeat from last month, when they killed the previous second-in-command of the Aspis Consortium.

Or any of the seventeen months before that...


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Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Pathfinder Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Office of Mwangi Finance Minister
Attention: Adventure Party Leader

Dear Sir, Madam, Other entity either corporal or immaterial

Confidential Business Proposal

Having consulted with my colleagues and based on the information gathered from the Mwangi Chambers Of Commerce And Magic, I have the privilege to request your assistance to transfer the sum of $47,500,000.00 gold pieces into your accounts. The above sum resulted from an trans-dimensional temporal-time shift. This action was however intentional and since then the fund has been in held in a stasis vault in Bloodcove.

We are now ready to transfer the fund to Magnimar and that is where you come in. It is important to inform you that as Clerics of Desna we are forbidden to operate a foreign account; that is why we require your assistance. That total sum will be shared as follows: 70% for us, 25% for you and 5% as sacrificial offerings to the local deity.

The transfer is risk free on both sides. I am an accountant with the Aspis Consortium. If you find this proposal acceptable, we shall require the following documents:

(a) your gold smiths' magical portal address and secret incantation.

(b) your animal totem —for confidentiality and easy communication.

(c) your letter-headed paper stamped and signed in your blood

Please reply urgently.

Eando Kline, esq.


Extra-dimensional-humans, from a layer of the layer of the Abyss named "TLC" have began documenting the life of a female Goblin child named "Honey Poo Poo".

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