Hell-shod Boots

[Joshua Kitchens]

Boots, Hell-shod
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot feet; Price 36,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.

Description
These heavy boots seem to be crafted of exotic leathers that share more in appearance with a fiend’s clawed appendage than conventional footwear. The boots possess a bitter odor of brimstone and sulfur that wafts from their scaled exterior and the faint clomping of hooves rings out when their cold-iron soles strike the ground.

While worn, the boots protect their wearer from effects that wound or deal damage to the feet such as caltrops, spike stones, and similar effects. In addition, the wearer is not hampered when moving through difficult terrain.

The boots retain a strong connection with their fiendish origins allowing the wearer to summon up a taste of the torturous landscapes of Hell. As a move action, the wearer can stomp one boot against the ground, causing smoldering spikes of obsidian to erupt from the floor (natural and/or man-made) where the wearer is standing and for 5 feet in each adjacent direction. This ability can be used for a total of 14 rounds each day. This duration need not be consecutive rounds. These spikes act similar to caltrops (base attack bonus +7) for anyone who shares or moves into a space with the spikes and cause that space to be treated as difficult terrain for purposes of moving through it. The spikes deal 1d6 damage on a successful hit and because of the residual hellfire that clings to their surface, removal of the movement penalty that arises from the wounds requires either a DC 20 Heal check or all damage caused by the spikes to be magically healed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, feather step, obsidian flow, spike stones; Cost 18,000 gp

[Sean K Reynolds]

I like the premise.

Ignoring all difficult terrain is pretty good, I guess that's why it costs 35k gp.

I don't like move-action-activated items that should be standard-action-activated. The basic rule is in the game for a reason. Don't mess with that sort of thing.

[Clark Peterson]

In a year with some pretty boring or repetitive boot concepts, these stood out. Unfortunately I also think the effects leave me a little flat. You have big evil boots that just ignore/create caltrops and terrain effects. I wanted more. These are among the weaker items in the top 32. Bring it next round.

[Wolfgang Baur]

"Residual hellfire"? Ok, the flavor here seems all EVIL GRRR RAAR, but the mechanics are neutrally aligned. That's not a plus, necessarily: it means that your flavor design and your mechanical design are slightly at odds.

The difficult terrain is good, and Sean is so right about standard-action-activation.

I don't absolutely love these, but its one of the better boot designs we've seen. Let's keep 'em around and see if the designer steps it up or falls flat next round.

[Mike Welham]

Welcome back to the Top 32, Joshua!

I remember coming across a few "boots that render difficult terrain moot" during my voting, and I definitely liked these the best. Your description is very cool, and you kept to the hellfire theme by imposing an increased Heal check/magical healing requirement to remove the caltrop's movement penalty. Your item's format is clean as well, so that works in your favor. However, I think your item didn't quite live up to the promise made in the name and the description, and I hope that you'll do something that shows a little more mojo in the subsequent rounds.

Best of luck to you in the contest!

[Steve Miller]

Ignoring difficult terrain is big. Creating a hazard that you can ignore is mean, and fun.

[Tom Phillips]

First of all, congratulations Joshua on making it back to the Top 32! That in itself is a major accomplishment and it’s something you should take great pride in. You rock!

Ok, minor quibble: brimstone and sulfur are the same thing. :-P

That said, I like these boots. Your writing exhibits a nice polish and you've designed an item that is thematic and would enhance any combat encounter in which they're used. I think I'd like to see vision of Hell added as one of the spell requirements. Even though it's an illusion spell, it seems to fit the theme here. The hellfire wounds the obsidian spikes inflict and the requirement for a DC 20 Heal check or curative magic to heal them is a nice ... and appropriately devilish (ha!) touch. Nicely done! Good luck in the archetype round!

[James Olchak]

A conventional sort of fantasy "evil" design. The Dethklok aesthetic notwithstanding, they seem to be worth every GP of what they cost, and maybe not a copper more. That's tight.

So I'm shrugging my shoulders at the description, but the mechanics I think are pretty solid, aside from "residual hellfire" (Does protection from fire protect you against the damage of these spikes?). I do think Hell-shod boots could be used to great effect by an evil NPC, but I suspect any GM would regret putting them in a game where a player could get ahold of them.
Effects which create damaging difficult terrain are a nightmare on the grid, and these boots ensure it's going to happen in every battle until that player steps into a black pudding.

There's potential here.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

I disagree with James about the description. I think you pulled out some evocative writing, which honestly grabbed me more than the mechanics here.

I like that you remembered other senses -- particularly smell -- in your description. "Taste of the torturous landscapes of Hell" is also fun, I thought.

[Kiel Howell]

Congrats!

I'm with Jacob on this one. It was one of the better boot items, but I liked purely for flavor and not for mechanics. The above comments have hit all the salient points I had in mind.

Keep the flavor, but work at making it harmonize with your mechanics and I think you'll have a great Round 2 (and maybe beyond) experience.

[Neil Spicer]

Welcome back to the arena, Joshua! You know the drill already. Strap in and hang on for as long as you can. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work in yet another iteration of RPG Superstar. Good luck!

[Matt Goodall]

Welcome back Joshua, good to see a member of the class of 2010 representing!

[Nicholas Herold]

I really liked these, and voted for them every time I saw them. I think it was in the thematics. Reminded me of the the old legends about "Devil's Hoofprints".

Congratulations, and best of luck to you in the archetype round!

[James Conder]

I remember voting for these; they stuck with me. Definitely bad guy boots.

[The 8th Dwarf]

Well done Joshua,

I can imagine a Hellknight Commander stomping his way across the battlefield to deal out some well deserved punishment to law breaking adventurers in these boots.

[Joshua Kitchens]

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

I created these to fill what I thought was a gap in battlefield control items for melee types. My vision was that a barbarian/fighter/paladin/etc would wear these and be able to better protect the squishies in the party from charging enemies.

[Andrew Marlowe]

Congratulations you're back in the top 32! These are cool boots...effect wise but I had a really hard time really liking them I couldn't really put my finger on the problem until Wolfgang pointed it out though. There is a disconnect between the really awesome villain-ness of these boots and their pedestrian utility. I might want these for my CoT fighter but he's not the villain type...and I couldn't see a paladin wearing a "normal" pair of these despite how cool they could be for said paladin. (Mechanically speaking.)

The description was evocative and the writing very good I'm looking forward to seeing how you transfer that to your round two entry. Good luck.

[RonarsCorruption]

Congratulations Joshua on getting back on the horse!

These boots have a lot of neat flavor, but as they are, they're a bit... strangely balanced. Ignoring all difficult terrain is borderline too-good, but the ability to make... powerful caltrops is borderline not good enough.

Also, your phrasing about creating those spikes for 14 rounds a day is super weird. Does that mean 14 times? Or do the spikes disappear after 14 rounds? or can you dismiss them and create new ones, so long as total time doesn't expend 14 rounds?

I would have liked a lot better if either:
- you left those spiky things around wherever you walked, and they all disappear after a few rounds
- you stomped the ground and created a wave or wall of this effect, allowing you to use it offensively or defensively as the situation called for. As it is, it's rather like dropping a bag of caltrops.

End result? I'm not sure if I liked it.

[agirlnamedbob]

Congrats on making it to the Top 32! I didn't see these often in voting, but i know I saw them a couple times. I'm also in the camp of "writing is evocative, mechanics could use a little polish." I really liked the image and, while it's easy to mess up a RAWR, EVIL! themed item and make it feel cliche, this still struck me as neat. I think you found a good balancing point with that.

I hope you bring that same quality to the next round and I look forward to seeing your submission. Good luck!

[frank gori]

The Good: I have a character that has been nick-named demon armor guy that would love a set of these! Might bookmark this to harass my DM on later (there are items from the top 32 he certainly wants in my game perhaps a little quid pro quo.) All kidding aside love terrain element and well the price while expensive suits these which is a hard thing to acheive.

The Bad: Theme doesn't neatly match effect. I get more of a volcanno vibe than a hell vibe on these.

The Ugly: A quibble but, BY the time I could afford these or I'm able to make them isn't the party using various forms of flight for transport? I'd take a drawback on these for a lower price tag (and the ability to use them at a lower level where these would be more clutch.)

That said, congrats on soem serious cool and making the top 32!

[Curaigh]

Congratulations Joshua,

Is your tag for this year missing or did I miss something?

I like a lot of good descriptive text, but this felt a little over the top. Frex: "seem to be crafted" and "share more in appearance" could have been 'crafted' and 'appear' The basic premise is a little bland, but something character's will want. I do like the stomp-creates-terrain and that it has infernal damage (not easily healed) was a very nice touch.

My advice for R2: focus the wording a little bit.

Good luck and nice job!

[Joel Flank]

These are certainly thematic and well written, a step above most of the other boots that mess with the terrain around them items I saw during votiing. That being said I'm not sure the ignore all difficult terrain really needs to be in this item. Not only is it pretty powerful, but I don't think it fits. Why would kick ass iron soled hell boots help you ignore the movement penalty of deep snow, standing water, swamps, etc? I would have rather limited it to rubble and spikes and stuff that hindered movement. That would have also let you lower the price some and take what's arguably the main power of the boots - the create caltrop/difficult terrain power to lower levels, where it would be more useful, before so many enemies can fly, be incorporeal, etc.

[Sean McGowan]

Welcome back for another year of craziness!
I'll admit, not my favorite item. I think they frequently still got upvoted by me, just based on superior writing compared to whatever they were up against, but ultimately boots that allow you to ingore difficult terrain and occasionally make difficult terrain for others just don't fit my particular taste.
But that don't matter none 'tall. You're a known quantity and I've liked what you've done in the past. (Even when I was directly competing against you.) You're the madman behind the astrumal! You've done awesome in the past and I'm looking forward to what you have to bring to this year's challenges.

[Richard Moore]

This is a very strong entry with good formatting and writing quality. I don't object to the infernal-themed effects - in fact, this seems like something a Hellknight of any alignment would want to have.

I'm sorry to say that I never saw this in my pairings, or I would surely have voted for it (instead, I got another boot-themed item over and over and over that I hated and wished I'd never have to see again).

I do agree with Sean's criticism about the action economy of the item - activation should be a standard action.

[Sam Harris]

Congrats on making the top 32! I didn't see this item while voting, but I very much like the idea, particularly the battlefield-control aspect. I'll look forward to your Round 2 submission! Best of luck!

[Jeff Lee]

Richard Moore wrote:

I'm sorry to say that I never saw this in my pairings, or I would surely have voted for it (instead, I got another boot-themed item over and over and over that I hated and wished I'd never have to see again).

I hope they weren't my scatterstep boots. If so, I apologize for the all the pain I caused.

Anywho...

Joshua,

Congratulations on making the Top 32. I really enjoy the visual of the second power though, very evocative with a cool effect. I might have gone a step further and added sulfurous fumes rising from where the spikes thrust up, making things that much more hellish. While bypassing difficult terrain is a fine thing (maybe too fine...after all, if water is deep enough it's also considered difficult terrain, and the boots helping someone to ignore than just doesn't fit thematically,) I think the secondary power is what really gets this item over. Best of luck in the next round.

[Template Fu]

As prior entries will tell you, Template Fu is one mean point eating machine, but will also praise where praise is due.

These reviews being this in depth usually take me a while to do and they get fitted in around other demands on my time, so please bear with me if I haven’t gotten to your item yet. I will get there in the end.

Review Caveat: I try to keep things totally dispassionate and all comments herein are my own. Having not made the illustrious levels that you have achieved this year, I can only caveat that anything I propose in feedback may not be totally in line with what Paizo thinks or needs of its freelance game designers, so do consider carefully any and all feedback I make under this light.

I start your review with…

Congratulations on being selected by the public at large and then the stalwart judges!

Review Breakdown:

Template: 5/5
Hungry! Yes, perfection – including the easy trip up – you didn’t span the italics over the commas in your requirements spell list – very well done indeed - Template Fu stomps off in a huffy!

(Yes, I have worked out how to check page mark up on my iPad, so formatting issues cannot hide now)

I also will point out here the use of “feet” instead of “-ft” in the description – this shows real care and attention to detail – and I privately hope some of it comes from the Round 1 Template Explained thread I compiled last year – hey, one can hope!

I also note you did the boots comma thing in your item name, this is good attention to detail to the core rulebook (see Boots, Winged for the lurkers for an in book example) but I think in competitions past, it was preferred to see the name as you would say it. i.e. Hell-Shod Boots.

Spelling: 5/5
This bit IS boilerplate to avoid confusion. Everyone should know to use US English, so you just know that I am going to eat points for stray ‘u’ letters and similar.

Template Fu’s huffing and muttering becomes the gentle(?) sound of dragon-kin deep slumber. Please tip-toe on and let him sleep…

Readability: 3/5
These are readings you can get from most spelling and grammar check options in word processors, for this, I am pasting everyone’s description into Word for consistency. My grading’s are purely my own personal feelings for target scores but it should be noted these are very helpful during development to spot problems in your writing, especially passivity.

Passive Sentences 50% (-1 pt, work harder to reduce this)
There are whole threads on this and it is possible to get 0%, which is wicked, but I would expect scores of less than 20% to be around the ideal mark for item descriptions (sometimes, you need the passive, but only rarely).

Flesch Reading Ease 56.8 (acceptable)
(0-30 best understood by university graduates, 60-70 easily understood by 13-15 year olds, 90-100 easily understood by 11 year olds)

Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 11.8 (-1pt, probably caused in part by the passiveness)
(This equates to the grades found in the US schooling system, e,g. 8.2 means it should be understandable by the average 8th grade student)

Me as a Designer Review: 4/5
Ok, passiveness is high in this, and straight away we can show why it can be bad – your description is made weaker by “seem to be” – be definite and bold in your description. “These heavy boots, crafted of exotic leathers, appear to be a fiend’s clawed appendage”. As you can see, we know boots are conventional footwear, so dropping that and the “seems to be” results in a far stronger and less wordy description.

I then look to the next paragraph, hoping to see an exciting first power. Ah, ok, your exciting power comes after the boring power. Especially with in iron shod non magical boots provide some of this protection, because they are iron. Always, nah, stress it more, ALWAYS put the best/coolest/most interesting power first. It encourages me to read on rather than yawn away to the next item.

Any item saying, here is x rounds, you can spend them consecutively or not introduces something bad, that something is “more book-keeping”. GM and player will most likely have to track how many rounds they are used for as and when they are used, subtract that number, note the remaining and next encounter rinse and repeat.

Caltrops are standard items with standard game effects – use that to your word count advantage don’t rewrite them, prevent play becoming bogged down with “Now which caltrop types were those again?” type of speed bump. This is a good trick to use when bringing other aspects of the game into an item.

If I were revising this item, the protection power is quite bland, so would look to dropping it completely or making it the very last effect, I would make the caltrop effect simply as caltrops. I would use up all these free words returned to my word pool and look to my cool power and see what I can bounce of that for better effect… like, maybe some sulphuric poison cloud that attacks anyone in melee with me when I use the hellfire power, or a smoky cloud providing some sort of concealment effect. I think that’s enough to point you in the right direction.

If you did the above, you also would have avoided the move action not standard action as the use of the item would even more clearly be an attack. And attacks are standard actions. And then you wouldn’t have needed to even say it.

I’m going to dock a point to re-emphasize best foot forward means best power first, but everything I have mentioned is fixable with work and practice. A good solid entry.

Overall Impression: 4/5
The template was flawless, but let down by the opening gambit and opening power. This is a shame, had you performed a little more polishing on the description, I think you would really have stood out even more. As it is, this and only this cost you a point here.

I expect more creativity in your archetype yet retaining your attention to detail on the templates, so consider the gauntlet thrown down!

Final Score: 21/25
I won’t give a final score comment as I haven’t for anyone else as I work through the items.

If this interests for personal reasons, please feel free to check out everyone else’s scores and at the same time check out your competition and their feedback too!

Closing, as I started…

Congratulations on being selected!

[Ask A RPGSupersuccubus]

Joshua Kitchens wrote:

Boots, Hell-shod

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot feet; Price 36,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.

Description
These heavy boots seem to be crafted of exotic leathers that share more in appearance with a fiend’s clawed appendage than conventional footwear. The boots possess a bitter odor of brimstone and sulfur that wafts from their scaled exterior and the faint clomping of hooves rings out when their cold-iron soles strike the ground.

While worn, the boots protect their wearer from effects that wound or deal damage to the feet such as caltrops, spike stones, and similar effects. In addition, the wearer is not hampered when moving through difficult terrain.

The boots retain a strong connection with their fiendish origins allowing the wearer to summon up a taste of the torturous landscapes of Hell. As a move action, the wearer can stomp one boot against the ground, causing smoldering spikes of obsidian to erupt from the floor (natural and/or man-made) where the wearer is standing and for 5 feet in each adjacent direction. This ability can be used for a total of 14 rounds each day. This duration need not be consecutive rounds. These spikes act similar to caltrops (base attack bonus +7) for anyone who shares or moves into a space with the spikes and cause that space to be treated as difficult terrain for purposes of moving through it. The spikes deal 1d6 damage on a successful hit and because of the residual hellfire that clings to their surface, removal of the movement penalty that arises from the wounds requires either a DC 20 Heal check or all damage caused by the spikes to be magically healed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, feather step, obsidian flow, spike stones; Cost 18,000 gp

Disclaimer: This post constitutes the viewpoint of a CE inclined succubus, and thus should be treated With All Due Seriousness. Great attention has been paid to the concepts Balance, Fairness, and Logic, or at least the Abyssal versions of these concepts (which is what matters, after all – who really gives a damn about the mortal versions)?

Further Disclaimer: Ask A RPGSupersuccubus has a scribe with higher priorities and not much spare time on his hands this year, therefore will be playing blatant favourites and picking a few contestants whose items to review. If they make it into the last round they might see another review then.

Is the item pretty?
Whilst the odour is interesting, the cold iron soles are really rather unfortunate, and I'd have to say, on balance, that no, the item is unlikely to be pretty under almost any circumstance in an infinite universe. (There are bound to be the odd circumstantial exceptions though...)

Does this item break easily if thrown at an annoying minion?
It's unlikely to. It might brain him/her/it however.

Would this item make a suitably embarrassing ‘gift’ if given away to a [female] paladin of Iomedae?
Oh yes. It's a great big reminder of the deals her mistress is prepared to do with Asmodeus, and a massive slap in the face.

Other Comments?
And here we have an item from a baatezu apologist, and boots which put me in mind of another Baatezu apologist's item, last year's nightmare boots in terms of being footwear-with-hellish-connections. (Although by comparison those did have a sort of charm in terms of being designed to occasionally go up in smoke.)
Since there's absent any mention of any particular effect of these boots on attempts made to kick anyone with them, perhaps they're not actually cold iron after all...
Purely on the basis of the slap-in-the-face thing, this one gets two points.

Note:
See the Disclaimers, if you missed them. They really do mention Quite Important Stuff.