Spectral Lampblack

[Zachary Hensley]

Spectral Lampblack
Aura strong abjuration; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 4500 gp; Weight –
Description
This chalky black pigment provides the user with a variety of benefits against detection. When liberally applied to the skin as a full-round action, the spectral lampblack cuts the user off from the ethereal plane and renders them invisible to ethereal creatures and all forms of magical sensors for 10 minutes. While under the effects of the lampblack, the user does not set off magical effects (such as traps) that are designed to respond to the user's presence unless the activation is tied to a mechanical trigger (which the user may still activate normally). Additionally, the lampblack prevents the user from utilizing extradimensional travel (as dimensional anchor) due to the nature of the barrier between planes that the item creates. Complete immersion in water or other liquid removes the pigment and terminates the benefits of the item prematurely.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, sequester, dimensional anchor; Cost 2250 gp

[Clark Peterson]

I really like this! Interesting. So many items focus on letting you get to or affect the ethereal plane, this one does the opposite and does it pretty nicely. I think this may be one of the stronger items in the top 32. Color me a big fan. Great name, great idea, interesting and original niche to play in. Well done!

[Sean K Reynolds]

Very specialized use, but really smart. I think this designer knows the rules and plays the game enough to notice the need for an item like this.

[Wolfgang Baur]

I am not enthralled, but it is a fun stealth item and the naming is actually quite good.

Keep.

[Steve Miller]

This is a nice ‘can't find me’ one-use item.The issues with this item are the same issues that exist with many divination spells versus abjurations. Since sequester is listed in the requirements, I’m guessing this is pretty powerful stuff, yet can discern location find someone under the effects of spectral lampblack? How about contact other plane or commune? These are rhetorical questions especially since the spell's casting times are equal to the lampblack's functioning time.Whenever someone gets around to creating a flow chart of which abjuration defeats which divination, Be sure to include spectral lampblack in that list, it's a keeper.

[Mike Welham]

Welcome to the Top 32, Fatespinner!

This is a great one-use item, and one that I've never seen done before. Kudos to you on that. I am pretty sure a number of rogues would love to have this on hand for their infiltrations and to avoid being magically followed.

I look forward to seeing your archetype. Best of luck to you in the contest!

[Tom Phillips]

First of all, congratulations on making the Top 32! That in itself is a major accomplishment and it’s something you should take great pride in. You rock!

Like Sean said, I have a feeling you're a rules guy. This item shows that you're smart enough to find and exploit this very interesting (and very niche) design space. This item is one of the better thought out items in this year's Top 32. I can also see someone trying to use this stuff as a cheaper, though temporary, way to mimic the effects of dimensional shackles on an outsider. Nice work! Good luck in the archetype round!

[Zachary Hensley]

Thank you all very much for your kind words! It is an honor to be selected this year and I will do my best to live up to the standards of this fine competition! I am still in shock over seeing my name up here!

[jensketch]

I saw this dozens upon dozens of times in my voting foray.

I never saw but 1 other top 32 item, and that one, only once.

Interesting voting system you guys have.

[Thomas LeBlanc]

Congrats Zach, this was among my favorites!

[Garrett Guillotte]

I remember seeing this item and not understanding how valuable it could be. Judging by the judges' reactions, I'll give this one a second look to better understand the rules behind it.

[Zachary Hensley]

To be honest, the inspiration for this item came about during a certain PFS scenario (which shall remain nameless to avoid spoilers) in which a mage's faithful hound is positioned in a narrow hallway with no possibility of avoidance. Since the hound activates before a rogue can get close enough to attempt to disable it as he might attempt with any other magical trap, the only valid options were to teleport the entire party around the obstacle, dispel it (a straightforward and effective yet boring solution), drop a silence on the area (which would prevent the barking but not the automatic bite attacks), or have the incredible fortune of an Arcane Trickster with Ranged Legerdemain in the party (highly unlikely) to disable it from outside the activation range. The spectral lampblack would render a single person completely invisible to the hound (which is able to perceive normally invisible or ethereal creatures), allowing them to get close enough to attempt a Disable Device check.

Of course the lampblack fools all forms of magical sensing, which includes symbol effects, explosive runes, etc. as well as scrying sensors, magic mouth triggers, and a host of other magical nuisances. I felt that the rogue class and its iconic trapfinding/disabling abilities took a backseat to things like dispel magic at higher levels, and I really wanted to provide a way for rogues to get in there and "do their thing" without relying on wizards and clerics to simply dispel or otherwise completely circumvent magical obstacles.

And, to answer Steve Miller's question, the lampblack would not defeat discern location since it is not actually creating a magical "sensor" which reacts to or perceives the user's presence, it is FINDING that person. This is my interpretation of how/why discern location circumvents normal protection from scrying (as it states in the spell description).

[Kiel Howell]

You just answered all my questions before I got to this!! No fair!!

Just kidding, well done! This was an item that grew on me and was in my top 5 by the end.

And you really did just answer all my questions :)

[Neil Spicer]

Welcome to the meat grinder that is RPG Superstar, Fatespinner! You're another mainstay I've seen hovering about the competition year after year. So, it's good to see you make it through. I thought your wondrous item was pretty innovative when I read it. And now, like many others, I'm interested in seeing what you'll do next. Best of luck!

[James Olchak]

I'm a little baffled by this one. Are there that many ethereal creatures where this would be a necessity? I originally thought it was for use against ghosts and such, but then I remembered that incorporeal=/= ethereal. Dodging magical sensors seems useful, but most dungeons can't be navigated in ten minutes or less. This is an expensive solution in search of a problem, I think.

[R D Ramsey]

The is the only item of the 32 I don't recall seeing during voting.

I like the name quite a bit, as well as the mechanics. I do worry it may be somewhat overpowered regarding traps, but given its limited duration it should be ok.

[Aeris Fallstar]

I never saw it either. But I really, really like it. And I definitely would have voted for it.

I am starting to wonder what is wrong with me. When the judges say 'a cool one use item', I am thinking, "Boy, I'd get a lot of mileage out of this!" And also the reverse: I see some of their favorites being so limited. Maybe the campaigns I play in a very different.

Oh well. Now, I'll pull for this one and The Skipping Stone!

[Jeff Lee]

Zachary,

Congratulations on making the Top 32. Your item definitely shows a lot of creativity. Seeing ethereal things is usually the direction people go. Not letting them see you definitely changes the paradigm. This one was on my keep list. Look forward to what you present in the next round.

[Oceanshieldwolf]

Great evocative name and great powers to stymie detection. Good rules-fu it seems. Congratulations, Zachary! Can't wait to see what you have for Round 2...

[agirlnamedbob]

I definitely don't remember seeing this one. One of the few in the Top 32 I missed. That said, I like it. I agree that it's a niche item, but it's simple, well written, and it's an interesting inversion of the many "etherial creature viewing/detecting" items I've seen.

Great job and I can't wait to see what you bring next round!

[James Conder]

Like Garret I didn't quite see the value of this item first time around. Magical detections and their counters is something that comes up a lot in my own campaigns and is often left quite fluffy (usually to the benefit of the GM ... who would be me). It's interesting to see some mechanics being tied firmly into this idea; I think spectral lampblack could see a lot of mileage in the right campaign.

Well done for finding a great opening for your wondrous item.

[Nicholas Herold]

I really liked this item--the evasion of traps is something I haven't seen before, and a clever player could use this item to turn a dungeon's defenses against its inhabitants.

Anything that encourages creative and clever play is a plus in my book! Congratulations on making it into the Top 32, and I'll see you in the archetype round!

[Sean McGowan]

I quite liked this one the first time I saw it; it was an immediate entry into the Keep folder.

I loved that you took an unconventional design niche here, but what really made it stand out was the amount of thought you put into clarifying the side effects of using it (the dimensional anchor and 'don't go swimming' bits). Tight design is always a good thing.

[Iain Reid]

Everyone seems to be assuming it is a one-use item, but the text doesn't actually say that and it is exceedingly expensive (more than a scroll of wish) for such.

Is it supposed to be unlimited use?

[Zachary Hensley]

Evil Paul wrote:

Everyone seems to be assuming it is a one-use item, but the text doesn't actually say that and it is exceedingly expensive (more than a scroll of wish) for such.

Is it supposed to be unlimited use?

It was intended as a single-use item, yes. Also, a scroll of wish would cost 29,050gp... so the lampblack is a steal by comparison.

I was unsure on how to price this item, in all honesty. A scroll of sequester would cost 2,450gp and served as the basis for this. I initially doubled that price, since sequester doesn't allow the subject to remain conscious but then thought that was too high based on the short duration of the lampblack. If I had it to do all over again, I would probably reduce the price of this item even further. Maybe down to 3,600gp.

[frank gori]

The Good: Unique design space, cool name, good execution on your theme.

The Bad: LAck of clarity on number of uses as you have addressed above.

The Ugly: Possibly a playstyle thing but I cannot think of a single time in my 20 some odd years of gaming where I was like I wish the etherial plane couldn't effect me right now. There have been instances where I desired to hit things that are etheriel.

Overall: Nice job and congrats.

[Joana]

Something that's never specified in these "removed by water" items: Can prestidigitation clean it off you?

[Andrew Black]

When I first read the name I though, "OH NO another bad thief item...shadows?" Then I read it and loved it, voting it up several times smacking myself for jumping to conclusions on your well named item....I blame voter fatigue. Good Luck in round 2, it's nice to see a name I recognize from the boards in the Pack.

[Zachary Hensley]

Joana wrote:

Something that's never specified in these "removed by water" items: Can prestidigitation clean it off you?

I'd say not. The pigment bonds pretty fast with the skin and the magic prevents casual rubbing off or, indeed, even sweating it off. Even walking through knee-high water isn't an issue (since that's not "complete immersion"). When the entirety of the magical effect is encompassed in liquid, however, the protective bubble created by the item buckles under the strain of the liquid and washes away.

How's that for some hand-waving? ;)

[Dale McCoy Jr]

I just want to say congrats to Fatespinner. I am pleased and honored to have published some of your work already. May the force be with you good sir.

[RonarsCorruption]

Zachary, congratulations!

I want to say that I love, love this item. It hits a design space that really has a lot of people bumping into it without knowing. I have a rogue trapped in a forcecage right now who wishes he was using this item. I also have a ton of players who would love this. :)

I do agree that your writing could be tightened up a little. Your first sentence is weak, and you don't explicitly call it out as a one-use item. Other than that, however, it's great.

Good luck in future rounds!

[Richard Moore]

This is a rules buff item, and I'm not a rules buff. It didn't wow me, although I do appreciate the attention to detail evident in the design. That detail didn't become evident to me until after reading your comments and others in this thread, though, and that makes me wonder if this would stand on its own as something really notable (it didn't to me in pairings, and I saw it several times). I'll be hoping for something more flavorful and less crunch-centric from you in the next round.

Editing nitpicks: Alphabetize spells. Check dash usage. Use commas in large numbers. Otherwise, good.

[Sam Harris]

Congratulations on making the Top 32! This is a very cool, innovative item that sets off visions in my head of some kind of fantasy Special Ops squad gearing up to storm a wizard's tower. But maybe that's just me. Nice item, and I'm excited to see what you cook up for the next round!

[Jeremy Clements]

A little expensive maybe...but again it is good for any level of play.

I can definately see uses for this in a game.

Good overall design!

[Curaigh]

Wow Fatespinner! I dinnae recgonize you by name :)

Congratulations Zachary,

This is very tightly written, besides what Richard called out above. I think the rules niche you found shows a great attention to detail which should serve you well. I expect you will go far.

Suggestions for later rounds: Keep the rules-fu strong, but let the fluff step in a bit as well.

Nice job, & good luck.

[Pedro Coelho]

Zachary,

At first, I didn't "get" the spectral lampback. I mean, I understood what it did, but I didn't foresee many situations in which it could be used (my bad). Still, I remember voting for it a few times. After reading the judges' comments and other posts, I can see that it is an interesting design space you were exploring. Congratulations!

[Kent T.]

It's a nice item, but it's too expensive for a very specialized item.

4500, to basically be able to pass magical traps, and ignore scry for a very short while.

Maybe 500, still not sure it's something I would use. But it's more reasonably priced.
Dust of dissapearance does basically the same thing, and is way to expensive, but for a shorter time, but also have more effect.

[Zachary Hensley]

With my Round 2 submission now safely submitted and (hopefully) not disqualified, I wanted to thank everyone again for your support and hope that my future submissions continue to entice and excite you!

[Joel Flank]

Pretty nifty item, and while specialized, at mid-high level play, it is likely to come up every now and then at least. Agree that it's a bit pricey for what it does as a one shot item, but I like that it's cool and different without being in your face. The subtlety of its effectiveness is part of it's charm.

That being said, subtle isn't the best route necessarily for the rest of the competition - you need the voters to know how cool it is so they vote for you.

[Jon Haire]

I voted for this item a few times. I thought this was a clever idea and that is what gives this item mojo.

BTW, could this be used as weapon to prevent a creature from teleporting away?

[Zachary Hensley]

Jon Haire wrote:

BTW, could this be used as weapon to prevent a creature from teleporting away?

Certainly, if you can pin it down long enough to apply the lampblack. Remember that it only lasts 10 minutes, though, so it's probably better to just have a scroll of dimensional anchor on hand! It's cheaper that way, too.

[Jon Haire]

Zachary Hensley wrote:

Jon Haire wrote:

BTW, could this be used as weapon to prevent a creature from teleporting away?

Certainly, if you can pin it down long enough to apply the lampblack. Remember that it only lasts 10 minutes, though, so it's probably better to just have a scroll of dimensional anchor on hand! It's cheaper that way, too.

Now I have a visual of a monk tumbling in on an enemy demon/devil/outsider and wiping this stuff on them. I guess they would still get their magic resistance.

[Ask A RPGSupersuccubus]

Zachary Hensley wrote:

Spectral Lampblack

Aura strong abjuration; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 4500 gp; Weight –
Description
This chalky black pigment provides the user with a variety of benefits against detection. When liberally applied to the skin as a full-round action, the spectral lampblack cuts the user off from the ethereal plane and renders them invisible to ethereal creatures and all forms of magical sensors for 10 minutes. While under the effects of the lampblack, the user does not set off magical effects (such as traps) that are designed to respond to the user's presence unless the activation is tied to a mechanical trigger (which the user may still activate normally). Additionally, the lampblack prevents the user from utilizing extradimensional travel (as dimensional anchor) due to the nature of the barrier between planes that the item creates. Complete immersion in water or other liquid removes the pigment and terminates the benefits of the item prematurely.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, sequester, dimensional anchor; Cost 2250 gp

Disclaimer: This post constitutes the viewpoint of a CE inclined succubus, and thus should be treated With All Due Seriousness. Great attention has been paid to the concepts Balance, Fairness, and Logic, or at least the Abyssal versions of these concepts (which is what matters, after all – who really gives a damn about the mortal versions)?

Further Disclaimer: Ask A RPGSupersuccubus has a scribe with higher priorities and not much spare time on his hands this year, therefore will be playing blatant favourites and picking a few contestants whose items to review. If they make it into the last round they might see another review then.

Is the item pretty?
Hmm. Technically, I suppose it could be considered a form of make-up, albeit one with a rather inconvenient side-effect in leaving a wearer unable to 'go ethereal'.

Does this item break easily if thrown at an annoying minion?
It's powder, so it isn't really 'breakable'. Conceivably in large enough quantities it might constitute some sort of choking hazard though.

Would this item make a suitably embarrassing ‘gift’ if given away to a [female] paladin of Iomedae?
Oh yes, on several levels. Either as make-up (black tends really not to be their 'colour'), or as implication that they sneak around furtively as less-than-honourable warriors...

Other Comments?
Six seconds is really rather a short time to even 'liberally' apply a powder to one's face, neck, hands (unless wearing gloves), ankles, and any other areas of exposed flesh if the item's supposed to provide some sort of literal camouflage. Presumably it's just a 'dab it on your face' substance in order to screen one from the sight of ethereal creatures.
And, a fairly generous five points out of ten for this item. At least someone tried to present a fashion accessory item.

Note:
See the Disclaimers, if you missed them. They really do mention Quite Important Stuff.

[Template Fu]

As prior entries will tell you, Template Fu is one mean point eating machine, but will also praise where praise is due.

These reviews being this in depth usually take me a while to do and they get fitted in around other demands on my time, so please bear with me if I haven’t gotten to your item yet. I will get there in the end.

Review Caveat: I try to keep things totally dispassionate and all comments herein are my own. Having not made the illustrious levels that you have achieved this year, I can only caveat that anything I propose in feedback may not be totally in line with what Paizo thinks or needs of its freelance game designers, so do consider carefully any and all feedback I make under this light.

I start your review with…

Congratulations on being selected by the public at large and then the stalwart judges!

Review Breakdown:

Template: 4/5
This looks pretty good – you did lose a point but did get the emdash right without a period or lbs, and the correct 5th edition errata slot name. You slipped up on commas in your numbers of 1,000+ and the spells should have been sorted alphabetically in the construction requirements.

Spelling: 5/5
This bit IS boilerplate to avoid confusion. Everyone should know to use US English, so you just know that I am going to eat points for stray ‘u’ letters and similar.

The sound of crunching can be heard from the Template Fu den, let’s stealth past while we can…

Readability: 3/5
These are readings you can get from most spelling and grammar check options in word processors, for this, I am pasting everyone’s description into Word for consistency. My grading’s are purely my own personal feelings for target scores but it should be noted these are very helpful during development to spot problems in your writing, especially passivity.

Passive Sentences 0% (Wicked – but watch out for passive phrases, not just sentences too, e.g. “magical effects (such as traps) that are designed to respond to “ is stronger without the passive phrase “that are”, i.e. “magical effects (such as traps) designed to respond to”)
There are whole threads on this and it is possible to get 0%, which is wicked, but I would expect scores of less than 20% to be around the ideal mark for item descriptions (sometimes, you need the passive, but only rarely).

Flesch Reading Ease 34.1 (-1pt close to -2! I best understand your item if I have university levels of comprehension, that’s hurting you for my scoring system. I do, but my 13 year old had to read it far too many times to get it.)
(0-30 best understood by university graduates, 60-70 easily understood by 13-15 year olds, 90-100 easily understood by 11 year olds)

Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 15.3 (-1pt, same as above.)
(This equates to the grades found in the US schooling system, e,g. 8.2 means it should be understandable by the average 8th grade student)

Me as a Designer Review: 4/5
Ok, I am going to mention my pet peeve here – but purely as a thing to think about, it doesn’t cost any points…

Extradimensional – what is “extra” about travelling between or staying on the same plane of existence? It makes sense when you carry a pocket of a dimension in some sort of container, it is then “extra”, but I do wonder if travelling between dimensions should be termed “interdimensional” or “intradimensional”. However, that said, as this is an anchoring effect item to the current dimension coupled with a non detection, I would have called the effect a nondimensional effect – you can’t be forced to change dimensions and there is no detection or your presence. It is one of those terms that gets used a lot in magical items and is becoming a bit of a meme, be aware of such going forwards.

However, I will dock a point on the fact there are some questions not covered by the item. If a trap is triggered by the presence of magic, would it detect the magic covering the “hidden” humanoid? What about being triggered by sound – does the etherealness extend to cover sounds? (being ethereal doesn’t render a creature as incapable of making a noise) – the item seems too general in saying all magical sensors - I do think I would not have balked at that if it was a general penalty to detection rolls. Please note that often a blanket immunity followed by the general term for exclusions (in the case “mechanical”) puts a lot of decision and explanation on to the shoulders of the GM – and that is the crux of your one point loss here.

Other than this, the design, rules, template is all very tight, I do have concerns that it is so very situational, but you covered that by making it a consumable, which is very smart. Some may consider the one point dock in this section a little harsh, but I think I have given good food for thought for the cost of that point.

Overall Impression: 5/5
I found the item one of the hardest to read and this was reflected by my children also struggling with it. Please bear in mind you are writing for an age group to encourage them to take up our hobby, (always a good tip for any writer is “know your audience, target that audience”).

A very solid entry and I certainly look forward to your archetype with great expectation!

Final Score: 21/25
I won’t give a final score comment as I haven’t for anyone else as I work through the items.

If this interests for personal reasons, please feel free to check out everyone else’s scores and at the same time check out your competition and their feedback too!

Closing, as I started…

Congratulations on being selected!

[loulueilwitz]

Why not try playing traffic jam 3d to relax during this stressful and hard talk.