Yeah, that's right, I picked two characters. Like goblins, I am greedy and cheaty. Deal with it, humans! Below you'll find an overheard conversation between Ekkie the cutpurse and Ranzak the raider.
Ranzak sits on a rock, nibbling shreds of meat off what appears to be a thighbone. He occasionally feeds a morsel to the Magic Bird sitting on his shoulder.
Ranzak (humming): ...come on pirates, do your duty. Ranzak's ready for some booty!
Ranzak snickers. Ekkie enters, skipping and swinging a dogslicer in a wide circle as she moves. Ekkie's brother's skull, Plarg, is wedged under one of her arms.
Ekkie: Hiya, Ranzak! Whatchu' eatin'?
Ranzak: Bits of tiny flapping demon. Longshanks say "imp." Imp imp imp. Good with sauce.
Ekkie: Everything better with sauce!
Ranzak: What we do today, Ekkie?
Ekkie: Ekkie think we talk about how great goblins is.
Ranzak: Good way to start most days.
Plarg: ...
Ekkie: Good point, Plarg. Whole world should know why goblins is best adventurer party.
Ranzak: Especially when goblins find big dumb longshanks to stand near! 'Specially with big longshanks to stand behind!
Ekkie: Yes, is best for longshanks—I calls 'em shields of meat or "pre-dinners"—to think they is in charge and is being nice to goblins, protecting goblins from mean old monsters. Best longshanks for this is called pal-a-dims. Meat shield stand in front while goblins sneak around back, taking all the stuff.
Ranzak: When adventurer party is ALL goblins, sometimes things can be slow, because all goblins want stuff, but not all goblins want to stand in front. Better with paladims.
Ekkie: Ekkie see how Ranzak steals stuff real good then sneaks ahead to steal more stuff when he find good stuff. This good plan, but Ranzak gots to stay sorta close to the paladims in case a bigbad comes.
Ranzak (looking around frantically, prepared to hide): Reta? Where?!
Ekkie (sighing and bopping Ranzak on the head): She not here, dummy. Ekkie means big, nasty ol' monster.
Magic Bird: SQUAWK!
Ekkie: Exactly.
Ranzak: Ranzak see how Ekkie fight rats and cats and snakes real good by herself and scares bigbads away so they goes and fights at other places. That smart!
Ekkie: So together, Ekkie and Ranzak make bigbads run away to other places, and take all the stuff. Ekkie's pretty sure that's what it say in longshanks book under picture of "adventurer."
Ranzak: Eww, books!
Ekkie: Sometimes books are mixed in with stuff to steal. Longshanks trade books for meat; Ekkie learn this when she in Big-Time Thief Guild. That also where she learn to speak with semicolons.
Plarg: ...
Ekkie: Good point, Plarg.
Magic Bird: SQUAWK!
Ranzak (laughing): Truth, Magic Bird.
Ekkie: Hmm, with Ekkie and Ranzak, you get four adventurers for price of two!
Ranzak: That good bargain!
Ekkie and Ranzak stare out into space for a beat.
Ekkie: World should also know that because of stuff-stealing and bigbad-scaring, goblins search places really fast. Fastest of all adventurers!
Ranzak: And goblins maybe not good at clearing out all places, like temples or magic places, but good at most.
Ekkie: And when time comes to fight biggest bad, Ekkie turns to devoted paladim friend and cheers. While going through pockets for loose stuff.
Ranzak: So, in end, is clear that goblins is best characters ever. Accept no substitutes.
Ekkie: What's a character?
Plarg: ...
Magic Bird: SQUAWK!
Want to being these goblins into your Adventure Card Game? You can pick up Ranzak right now. Ekkie will be available for purchase from paizo.com on the first day of Gen Con, July 30. You can also get their playmats by UltraPro for the full goblin ACG experience!
Tanis O'Connor
Adventure Card Game Designer