Aura strong abjuration, conjuration, and evocation; CL 12th
Slot —; Price 35,000 gp; Weight —
DESCRIPTION
Worshippers of Sarenrae treasure these delicate orange glass rose blossoms. A sunblossom grants any creature carrying it a +2 sacred bonus to saving throws against fire spells or effects and a bonus to any magical healing effects received equal to +1 per die. If the possessor has the flame of the dawnflower trait, it also grants +1 fire damage to attacks made with a scimitar. It grants these bonuses even when stored in a pocket or bag, but not if in an extradimensional space.
A sunblossom grants additional powers while held in hand. Spells with the [light] descriptor, when first cast, deal 1 point of fire damage per spell level to evil creatures within the area they illuminate. Any spell cast with the [fire] descriptor raises the light level throughout its area of effect by one step, to a maximum of bright light, for a number of rounds equal to the spell’s level (targeted spells illuminate the spaces occupied by their targets at the time of casting). Once per day as a free action it can be activated to have such a spell deal half its damage as divine power rather than fire (like the flame strike spell) and leave behind the effect of a daylight spell throughout its area for 1 minute per spell level.
A sunblossom has hardness 1 and 2 hit points. If destroyed, through damage or by the wielder as a standard action, it immediately releases a flame strike centered on itself (12d6; DC 17). It is irrevocably destroyed but consecrates the area as a hallow spell (the cleric version) with daylight fixed to it.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, cure light wounds, daylight, flame strike, hallow; Cost 17,500 gp
Wow. There's a lot going on with this item. Too much, in my opinion. The designer probably could have pared it back to just a couple of these effects and been fine. Instead, they tried to cram so much stuff in here that it's a bit mindbending just to try and absorb it all.
It's probably one of the first times I've seen the trait system referenced by a wondrous item. And I like the ability to have fire spells deal half damage as divine damage like flame strike. I'm not as fond of all the illumination play, but I get the reasoning behind it with Sarenrae being the sun goddess and all. The healing boost makes sense, too, since healing is part of her portfolio.
This is kind of the SAK of Sarenrae. I think what puts me off the most is the fact that it doesn't take up a slot in the sense that it can work even if just stored in the owner's gear (as long as it's not in an extradimensional space). They won me back by acknowledging some of the other powers can't be granted unless the owner has the item in hand, though. Basically, they're saying there's multiple ways this item can convey its benefits, some require a greater degree of interaction than others.
From a professional polish standpoint, they used the template flawlessly. They're also showing off a bit with the URL references in the event we needed to look something up. Admittedly, that's probably useful for the flame of the dawnflower trait. But I certainly don't need a link to Craft Wondrous Item. The bottom line, though, is they've got a major attention to detail. That level of perfectionist tendencies along with the creativity invested in the item's concept, connection to Golarion lore, and mechanical innovation is something I'd like to see on display in future rounds of the competition.
Vote to Keep.
This item is just about perfectly done mechanically even to the extent of hyperlinking the spells in the description.
This item does a lot and gets it all done in a way that's engaging to read and doesn't leave the user or the GM confused. Corner cases are covered and the submission is careful to use the proper game terminology whenever necessary.
I recommend that you vote for this designer.
This is doing too much.
+2 vs. fire effects
+1 healing per die
+1 fire damage with scimitars
+1 fire damage per spell level with light spells vs. evil
raise the light level in the affected area when spell is cast
1/day make half a fire spell's damage be holy damage
daylight automatically when you use the previous power
flame strike + daylight if destroyed
7 abilities, or 8 if you consider the automatic daylight when you do the holy damage trick
If the word count limit wasn't 300, I suspect this person would keep packing in additional abilities.
Reject.
I'm with Sean, this thing is well-intentioned but it does too much. Until you get to helm of brilliance territory (and at 35k this one is not there, its more like ioun stone price range) you just cant have this many pimpy effects. Sure, it is limited to a very particular type of PC, but that while a limitation is also a weakness of the item. Its general applicability is low and its specific applicability make it overpowered.
Reject
Welcome to the Top 32!
You managed to squeeze a lot into 299 words. Perhaps too much, as it can increase the admin and referencing required at the table.
However, I do think it was a good idea to tackle traits. There's so much to explore and I hope your item inspires others to start looking at traits. Further, you certainly have proven your ability to work within a template (and the URLs are handy too), which should help keep developers happy.
It's not always easy balancing over-the-top awesome with good design. Pay attention to the comments that are sure to emerge in this thread. I'm sure there'll be some interesting conversation.
Good luck for the next round.
The problem with this item is that it has a zillion small effects. The final item is cluttered and mystifying, but it’s hard to strip it down to its “essence” because the individual effects are each too small to justify the item’s existence.
However, I think that there’s an interesting spark of design skill showing through here. The author clearly knows Pathfinder back and forth. I like that he or she reached for many oft-neglected rule elements – spell descriptors, traits, light levels, etc. The mechanics are written very precisely and skillfully – a lot of thought went into this.
This designer’s greatest problem is missing the forest for the trees. Consider beginning your next assignment with a strong, unifying high concept, then apply your rules mastery and attention to detail to executing it - that will be a recipe for success in future rounds of RPG Superstar.
What I like:
Sarenrae is clearly being evangelized this year; this is the third or fourth item themed around her so far, I think. I like most of the base abilities it has; they're pretty well in line with Sarenrae's portfolio.
What I love:
Okay, I really like the cross-pollination of the [fire] and [light] descriptor spells here in the secondary powers category. Definitely works for the goddess in question, and even more importantly than that, it's just kinda neat. Is it useable as a holy symbol? It feels like it should be, both because it is clearly massively Sarenrae holy-fied and because it would make more sense for a cleric to be holding it in their hands if so.
What needs a little sumptin' sumptin'...
I don't really like the notion of magic items performing better if a character has a certain trait. If an item was class or even feat specific, I can understand that; one can always multiclass or take a feat at a later date. But since traits are chosen at character creation, the bonus effect is something you're either going to gain as soon as you have the item or... never, ever have access to. That said, it's a pretty minor bonus, so it's not a huge deal. It just feels like a little bit of a weird rule precedent to set.
Also, I've never cared for items created with a 'nuke' option. 'Destroy this and you lose all the cool little powers but get one big boom out of it.' It just always feels like a bit much. Plus there are really few times I ever feel inclined to break my item even for whatever nuke it gives.
All in all...
This item does a lot, but they're mostly little things that I don't mind glomming on to one item. Maybe a bit much for the 35 K, but honestly, it doesn't feel that extreme. It could probably still use some tweaking, but even without that, this is a nice, tightly thematic item with a lot of potential. Congratulations and welcome to RPG Superstar!
wow, thanks :)
and thank you for all the helpful comments, i'll do my best to improve next round!
What needs a little sumptin' sumptin'...
I don't really like the notion of magic items performing better if a character has a certain trait. If an item was class or even feat specific, I can understand that; one can always multiclass or take a feat at a later date. But since traits are chosen at character creation, the bonus effect is something you're either going to gain as soon as you have the item or... never, ever have access to. That said, it's a pretty minor bonus, so it's not a huge deal. It just feels like a little bit of a weird rule precedent to set.
To nitpick, it is actually possible to pick up traits later than character creation, if you take the Additional Traits feat, so it isn't mechanically more limited than other feat linked items. I'd agree it feels that way though - and looks good.
I'm not a fan of the bajillion different things this item does. I find myself and a lot of my players having trouble keeping track of the few items they already slot up, then you go and add up to eight more effects from a single slotless item?
Overall, I'm not impressed. The writing flows, but it's boring as sin because it's nothing but three paragraphs of abilities.
You know, despite it being a "Swiss-Army-Knife" of interwoven abilities, I really like this.
To start, and this has been mentioned before, the formatting: wow. Hyperlinks and everything. Very nice indeed.
Secondly, I have never seen an item interact with a trait, and by chosing flame of the dawnflower you're making it even more special to people that revere Sarenrae. The flavor of having your goddess give you a touch more power with one of her items if you're that devoted to her is beautiful. I'm a sucker for flavor and this one rewards a player for taking something that's more of a flavor choice as far as traits go.
Having the area brighten with holy light is awesome as well and being able to channel Sarenrae's divine power into your fire spells to infuse it with divine power is some nice icing on the cake.
I see this and I think any follower of Sarenrae would be honored to possess one.
Love it!
Cool, one of my favorite items of this year!
It's true that there are a lot of effects, but if you really consider them carefully you'll notice that non of those are ground breaking at the level you can afford it. I had some perplexity for the +1 to damage, but at the level you can afford 35000 gp fire resistance is everywhere and the bonus is not that relevant.
It would be a really cool reward for a cleric or paladin of Sanenrae (or any other sun god, it's easy to tweak it), given by the main temple to the heroes who really helped it. It's also one of those things I'd like to have my players find when they rediscover a lost temple of a sun god, maybe along with a sun blade.
Just a couple of things raise my concern: the item is cool and it would be a shame to just carry it in one pocket. I feel that it should be displayed: I've no problem with it being slotless, but it should be worn as a brooch or maybe it could levitate as a ioun stone. Alternatively it could also be worn as a ring. That said, it's really fragile and something an enemy from an opposed faction would likely target: while an enemy would not sunder a ioun stone no matter the bonus it granted you, I can easly see how such an enemy would target this object an break it.
All in all, I really love this item.
Put me in the too many small effects crowd. I would like the item more if it was just the middle paragraph.
thanks everyone. this is my first year of RPG Superstar, so i'm not 100% sure of the best way to respond. the rules say that in this round i can comment on my design decisions, so here goes:
my hope- to create an item with a strong association with Sarenrae that would benefit a wide variety of characters, but be especially desirable by those particularly devoted to her.
my concerns- with a bunch of minor powers the item is... busy. i was worried about that (and about the SAK auto-reject) but hoped that the close tie-in with Sarenrae's portfolio would have enough mojo (and i promise i would not have added any more powers with a higher word count). i was concerned about pricing too; almost every ability is unique which makes it tough to begin with and then having a number of minor powers complicates it further because its a lot of stuff if you price it low, but they'll mostly be insignificant if priced too high.
what i was excited about- i really liked each of the individual unique effects, the option to gain an extra benefit if you have or pick up a specific trait, and having the item provide some base benefits as a slotless item with extra perks if you fill your hand with it (preventing a caster from holding a weapon/wand/rod/etc while casting).
what i was on the fence about- the whole last paragraph. i liked the idea that there was some risk involved with holding a glass flower in your hand, and that if the item got destroyed it would leave behind one last blessing from Sarenrae, but there was already a lot going on and i felt like a final-strike-SIAC was the least superstar element. i left it in because of the things i liked (and the image of smashing one in a vampires lair, or to setup a shrine in the darklands), but if i had waited right up to the deadline to submit it i'm not sure it still would have been there.
thanks again for the comments and critiques! i'm looking forward to more as i try to hone my design skills for round 2 :)
Congratulations Nate!
There are some nice cores in here, I especially like the half divine/half flame ability. I had to read through this three or four times before I even had a handle on what it does though. My recommendation is to choose that one or two core ideas and focus. Nice job and good luck!
Congratulations! I liked your work in the collab thread and I'm glad you made it to the big time.
The critiques so far have pretty much hit all the big things, good and bad, but I just want to put on my GM hat and say that this item would make my job harder. That's a strike against it. If the user is big into fire spells (and she probably will be), we're talking about keeping separate illumination levels and duration countdowns for non-contiguous spaces all over the battlefield. If my PCs got their hands on this, I'd have to introduce a new marker system and a new step in my initiative countdown to keep track of how bright all of the squares are and how much longer they've got before they dip to the next illumination level. As amusing as it sounds to write one's name in the darkness with a flaming sphere, I don't want to do the paperwork.
So that's my friendly advice: Your rules only work as well as the GM can them work, and some GMs are lazy, like me. I expect you, as a Superstar, to enable my sloth. :)
There's too, too much going on here. (I personally like Sarenrae more than most of the deities, too.) I think that taking out everything except the middle paragraph, then focusing your creativity (of which you have quite a bit) on that would work really well.
Ant Health Warning: this year, I really worked hard on technical execution of my item, so these reviews will likely reflect template use. Brace yourselves for the template fu - it can sting.
Template Use: 8.5/10
template fu sees old edition "and" usage, growls "strong abjuration, strong conjuration, strong evocation;", docks half a point and eats it.
template fu says spells used in construction have schools - conjuration (healing), evocation (light), evocation (fire), evocation (good), so wonders where the abjuration aura comes from.
template fu suspects you meant to say "faint conjuration, strong evocation;" and eats a points worth of abjuration, yum!
Slot affinity: 7/10
There is no slot as such, so I will give a general assessment score here so it balances with other reviews. Gneerally, I liked what you were trying to do, I did find the first paragraph consisting of standard yawn bonuses but then you lifted it in the second paragraph. It got very close to being SAK, but I think you got away with it mostly.
Abuseability: 7/10
Hmmm, thorw it hard enough and you have a flamestrike grenade that hallows ground in daylight to throw into the midst of the vampire pack dealing daylight, hallow and flamestrick in one action. Eeeep, puts vampire NPCs away and asks players if they fancy playing an as undead campaign - evil grin.
Desirability: 8/10
With the potential for grenade use, oh my god can we abuse this on both sides of the screen which kind of makes it highly desireable.
Originality: 8.5/10
Some interesting ideas, a bit shoe horned into one item. Be careful of that in your forthcoming offerings.
Ant Score: 39/50 (78%)
thanks ant,
i had put abjuration in because of the bonus to saves, i thought about taking it out after settling on required spells but never did (perhaps an error on my part). out of curiosity, when did the template change?
Aura strong evocation and transmutation
Aura faint abjuration and transmutation
not that i doubt your rules-fu (clearly the force is strong with this one), but everything i have seems to be consistent in that format. the only example i can find where a comma is used instead of "and" (or "or"), or where two different aura strengths are listed is the Mask of Giants from APG- but there it's actually for separate 'lesser' and 'greater' versions?
Congratulations on making the top 32. Good luck with the rest of the competition!
Okay, I think I'm getting tired of my review format, so I'll do it differently for the change.
What do I like?
The Name: Sunblossom. It's a good name for a Sarenrae-themed item.
The Trait-use: Uhh. Neat. A way to make traits (which I always use, and like to call "the essence of character flavor and background") more useful.
What don't I like?
The Shape: I know, I like that it's called sunblossom, but most of these effects aren't "flower" to me, except for Sarenrae being called "Dawnflower". That's not quite enough for me, and it makes me dislike the SAK-problem a little extra.
SAK/The Number of Effects: Wuuuuw, this one little flower does all that? It's too many effects, so none of them gets really great descriptions. I believe you more or less avoid the SiaC issue, but you're still walking on thin ground here. Limit yourself. Here's an excellent treatise on why less is more, why limitations and weaknesses are in fact what defines things and such: Sanderson's Second Law - or why Limitations > Powers. I know, it has nothing to do with RPGs or Wondrous Items. But I think having this kind of thing somewhere in the back of you mind is a good way to avoid convincing yourself that adding a dozen more powers will help anything. Call it inspiring reading, for when you're NOT busy with a submission. The general way of thinking and philosophy behind this inspires me a lot.
The Clarity: Having to describe this many things messes up the clarity of the individual part of the item.
Overall Situation
A lot of individual effects, which each are very nice. Added together, they make a very-close-to-SAK of Sarenrae. It's not quite enough for me. You need focus. Pick one to three things, focus on those.
That said, your basic idea is good, and your innovations made it in, so well done on that.
Anyway, Good luck. I hope you could use this for something.
i've never seen this done before, so i apologize if this is poor form, but i'd really like to hone my design skills and
You're free to comment in this round however you like.
(in the Night Monarch Vardo thread)... so i'm going to post a revised version of my item (hopefully taking advantage of all i've learned from the critiques). i would love it if anyone is willing to offer further feedback on the new version!
here it is:
ok, the real problem with my item is that there's too much going on. this was my first year and i think i kind of fell into a 'go big or go home' mentality. now that i've calmed down, checked out more entries, and processed the feedback i think this should really be 3 separate items...
first-
Brooch of the Golden Dawn
Aura faint abjuration, conjuration, and evocation; CL 3rd
Slot neck; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
DESCRIPTION
This delicate golden brooch is fashioned in the shape of the sun and engraved with an image of two crossed scimitars. A brooch of the golden dawn grants its wearer a +2 sacred bonus to saving throws against fire spells or effects and a bonus to any magical healing effects received equal to +1 per die. If the possessor has the flame of the dawnflower trait, it also grants +1 fire damage to attacks made with a scimitar.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, cure light wounds, produce flame, resist energy; Cost 2,500 gp
probably the most submittable of the three-
Sunblossom
Aura moderate evocation [fire and light]; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 15,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
DESCRIPTION
This potent holy symbol of Sarenrae is highly sought after by her spellcasting followers. Besides functioning as a standard holy symbol, it can be used as a focus for both arcane and divine spells with the [fire] or [light] descriptors. When so used, it replaces the requirements of any other focus and any material components costing less than 10 gp, and grants the following bonuses:
- Spells with the [light] descriptor, when first cast, deal 1 point of fire damage per spell level to evil creatures within the area they illuminate.
- Spells cast with the [fire] descriptor raise the light level throughout their area of effect by one step, to a maximum of bright light, for a number of rounds equal to the spell’s level (targeted spells gain no benefit from this effect).
Once per day when being used as a focus, the sunblossom can be activated, as a free action, to cause a spell with the [fire] descriptor to deal half its damage as divine power rather than fire (like the flame strike spell) and leave behind the effect of a daylight spell throughout its area for 1 minute per spell level.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, daylight, flame strike; Cost 7,500 gp
and a wicked (SIAC) consumable-
Everlight Orb
Aura strong evocation [fire, good, and light]; CL 12th
Slot[b] --; [b]Price 12,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
DESCRIPTION
This small glowing orb seems to be composed of solid light. It gives illumination as the light spell. This effect is not dismissible but can be concealed by covering or otherwise obscuring the orb. Upon command, the Everlight Orb can call down the wrath of Sarenrae. When activated, the user chooses a point within 60 feet which is immediately targeted with a flamestrike spell (DC 17, 12d6) and a hallow spell (the cleric version) with daylight fixed to it. Once used this way the orb quickly dissolves into nothingness; it is utterly and irrevocably destroyed.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, daylight, flame strike, hallow; Cost 6,000 gp
i didn't have enough time to be super thoughtful about the prices- so i apologize if they're off...
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Now the revised version of the Sunblossom you used here seems much more mechanically understandable but you took at the descriptive flourish (which was really nice) from the original.
This version seems a lot more streamlined and less OP but keeps the same flair that made it stand out to the Judges.
Personally I like this version a lot more but miss the descriptive text.
Points for revisiting your item and adjusting it to the feedback you were given. Should provide a small bonus when voting for the next round!
I have a feeling that undead would just *hate* these things!
Lots of good visuals; the various light and fire effects weave together to create an item that a lot of clerics would love to have.
I like the "final strike" option the sunblossom has, although I'd hate for the thing to accidentally break in my character's backpack!
Great job.
I have a Paladin/Oracle who would just love this thing!
My favourite part of the item is the messing around with Light and Fire. It's a fun idea and very thematic. It's similar in many ways to what I was doing with my Elixir.
I also like the old school feel to the final power. It may be approaching overkill on the number of powers but it's such a fun thing to put into an item I can see why it was hard to resist.
This is a really fun item. Even though it has a lot of effects they all work with the theme and none of them are particularly overpowered. I just kind of wish it took a slot to drop the price down.
-Xander
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012
,
Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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Congratulations, Nate! You packed a lot into your sunblossom, but you kept it to a theme. I especially like the extra touch of adding links to the PRD for all your references. This attention to detail will serve you well in the future rounds, for which I wish the best of luck!
I agree with Eric that the trait mechanic was really innovative here. I bet the judges see a LOT more items like that next year, especially since HerosBackpack was kind enough to point out that you can in fact get feats after the creation start (we can only hope in later rounds, people are generous enough to point out things like that while we can't talk about them).
Can see players really struggling with the decision to destroy a sunblossom in a dire situation -- 35,000 is a lot of money for a consumable, but that could be a life-saver.
yeah- even in this round i was concerned about pointing that out (less because i thought i would get disqualified and more because i was afraid it would seem really rude to point out a judges mistake). i was kind of relieved that HerosBackpack pointed it out, and i too hope that others will continue to do that in later rounds.
Cool and interesting but as mentioned just a bit too much. Good luck in the future rounds!
This is one of those items I'm not sure I would allow as a GM, but man would I like to have this for my cleric of Sarenrae!!! I think maybe if you had just pared it down a little to match the price. It's so handy (love the +1 fire damage for scimitars), that I'd be hard-pressed to blow the thing up, even if it does bring down a flame strike. Really cool, though, Edward! Good job! :)
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Congrats on Top 32!
I'm thinking that you've received a lot of feedback already and from your own posts you realize what would make this a better item, but to me the amount of effects is balanced with the price plus the possibility that while you have this in your hand a smart enemy that knows what it is will put some fire protection spell on his fighter buddy and tell him to sunder the crap out of it (possible drawback).
Also making it so that the item's wielder has the option to break it can make for some interesting sessions; it's such a useful item and so expensive you don't really want that to happen but if it does you can make a pilgrimage to that place to remember the battle that happened there (since it's hallowed and very bright).
I like it, even the original entry, and look forward to seeing what else you have for the competition.
Kudos, sir!
There’s a lot going on with this one, I like the thematic but honestly I think it does too much. Love the flamestrike/hallow leave-behind if the item is destroyed, which seems probable, but maybe it could do without some of the other abilities to bring the cost down?
I’ve got a handful of characters who’d appreciate the item, but if it were a little leaner I’d have more who genuinely wanted it. The three items you subsequently broke it into have a lot more appeal to me and mine, except I liked the flamestrike/hallow essentially being something you didn't want to happen because it meant you lost your expensive item (and were potentially in the middle of the flamestrike).
Aura strong abjuration, conjuration, and evocation; CL 12th
Slot —; Price 35,000 gp; Weight —DESCRIPTION
Worshippers of Sarenrae treasure these delicate orange glass rose blossoms... blah, blah, blah...
Disclaimer:
Note:
Fair is foul and foul is fair supposedly . Basically, though, does this item have any useful application in a spa?
A glass flower is not going to survive in a spa, and that's without going into the fact that this is associated with Sarenrae.
Assuming for a moment that it’s more convenient to pay taxes than to circumvent the system, does this item look likely to be a tax-deductible business expense for a succubus art-dealer?
Not interested. Sarenrae related.
Is the item useful in a strawberries-and-cream-tea context?
Again, not interested. Sarenrae related.
Other Comments?
Actually stopping and looking at this item for a moment (urgh) it looks basically geared towards warrior-priests or crazy pyromaniac eldritch knights (although they're probably pretty sane by the standards of her worshippers) of Sarenrae. I don't have a problem with honest-to-goodness-pyromaniacs generally (give or take the odd devil) but I do have a problem with those sanctimonious, hypocritical, smug, we're-so-much-holier-than-thou, Sarenrae fanatics (give or take the odd halfway intriguing paladin). Leaving poor innocent paladins in need of a good mistress out of it, it's a toss-up whether it's Sarenrae fanatics or Iomedae crazies who are worst. Anyway, see the above disclaimer, if you missed it, with regard to 'balance' in these reviews.
This item is completely pointless except for the beautiful smashing noise it makes when ground underfoot, and the tears of rage which dribble down the cheeks of the poor little Sarenrae worshipper who lost their precious toy. (To be frank it's probably worth a succubus taking any 'holy' damage from the resulting explosion, if an expendable dretch is not to hand to do the honours.)
Gollum Rating: