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Rajah's Silhouette
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot chest; Price 15,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This knee-length silk achkan is tailored in an elegant Vudran style, and edged with delicate embroidery. At will, as a standard action, the wearer of a Rajah's Silhouette can flatten his body and become paper-thin while still able to move and act. This transformation can be reversed as a move action.
While a Rajah's Silhouette is activated, the wearer may roll, fold and twist his form in order to bypass obstacles that would be otherwise impassable. The transformed wearer of a Rajah's Silhouette can slither beneath doors or pass between bars, treating these gaps as difficult terrain. By making a DC 25 Escape Artist check to carefully fold his form, the wearer can even hide within exceptionally small spaces: inside bottles, within scroll cases, or between the pages of a book. The wearer is considered pinned by such small spaces but may exit these confines as a move action. While a Rajah's Silhouette is activated, the wearer can fall any distance as if under the effects of feather fall.
While transformed by a Rajah's Silhouette, the wearer weighs 1/32nd of his normal weight but maintains his normal space and reach. During the transformation, the wearer's weaponry and equipment function normally; however, the wearer's paper-like body is easier to cut than normal and becomes vulnerable to attacks that deal slashing damage. The transformed wearer also suffers a -4 size penalty to Strength and is treated as a creature two size categories smaller for purposes of CMB, CMD, and the effects of wind.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, reduce person, feather fall; Cost 7,500 gp
Hmmm. An interesting idea. Lots of mechanical considerations they've woven into it, including the virtual size decrease for the purposes of combat maneuvers, wind effects, etc. I like that attention to detail. I'm not as keen on the "pinned" effect when hiding in small spaces. I'm not sure what that adds to the equation if it only takes a simple move action to exit such a situation. Pinned normally means an opposed grapple check to break free.
There are also some missteps in presentation here. If you reference a wondrous item name in your descriptive text, it needs to be lowercase and italicized, just like all magic items. In addition, the spell names in the construction requirements need to be alphabetized in their listing. Other than that, there's pretty good attention to detail here, too. I would, however, have liked to see them spell out the game effect of being vulnerable to slashing weapons. I can extrapolate from it by consulting what vulnerability means under a creature's weaknesses. But, for clarity, I think it would be best to include that in the item's description to save time at the gaming table. They could probably have squeezed that in with their remaining words.
Overall, the core idea of the item is interesting and innovative enough to me that I'll say I'm a...
...Weak Keep.
This is a great example of a plot device, and an item that could be extremely useful to a villain, but which has enough everyday utility to be something a player character would be happy to get. I could build an entire adventure scenario around this one item - and that's a fantastic selling point.
I recommend that you vote for this designer.
Ah, the old duo dimension spell--but updated to modern sensibilities!
I think they thought out the consequences of this, so...
Keep!
The paper thin idea has been around a long time and we've seen various iterations of it, so the novelty isnt great. But I dont know that I've ever seen it done this well and that deserves rewarding.
Plus, this is just very well thought through--the author really gave rules info on the many situations that could apply, such as being pinned in a bottle or book, etc. That is good, fun stuff.
I agree with Neil that it would have been helpful to spell out vulnerability, but we harp over and over not to reinvent the wheel and this author recognized that he or she could spell it out by simply referencing a universal monster rule. I think the problem is that vulnerability as a universal monster rule is not well known but I dont fault the author for that. Great work.
This is a keep from me for sure.
What I like:
So, this is fun. Two-dimensionality is a mechanic that's never really had a lot done with it. There are probably reasons for that, and I'll get to them in a moment, but I applaud you for taking on relatively untouched territory.
I also like what description you have; since you had a lot of mechanics to work with here, you obviously couldn't lavish an excessive amount of descriptive text on it, but what you did made it very clear what this item looks like. (I had to google what an achkan was, but that's not a strike against you at all.)
What I love:
Most times I think of going paper-flat, the first thing that pops to mind is slipping under doors. In all likelihood, most people who create an item like this would probably build exclusively around that. So I really, really like that you went further and made it clear what else could be done while using this; hiding in books and the like. And the always-on featherfall is a very, very nice touch.
What needs a little sumptin' sumptin'...
...But the drawback of delving into weird rule blank spots is that you have a LOT of ground to cover. Like I said, I love that you went beyond simple doorway/crack travel and gave it more, but inserting new 2D rules into the game makes me feel like there's still a whole host of possibilities for this item that aren't addressed. Which, obviously, you wouldn't have room to address here, but unfortunately that puts a whole lot of questions at the DMs feet that he'd have to answer on the fly. If I press myself up against the wall, do I get a Stealth bonus? What about if I turn sideways to someone? Stuff like that.
Also, I'm not sure why the Vudrani flavoring is necessary here; it's not badly done, by any means, but the associated powers of the item don't really make me think 'Indian overtones.' I don't see why this is a achkan rather than a overcoat, or why becoming flattened is something specific to a Rajah rather than, say, your common everyday thief.
And one last nitpick is that I'm not sure I like this being a continuous use item. I appreciate that you put some (significant) drawbacks to using this nonstop, but a lot of those drawbacks matter less depending on the character's role in the party. The slashing damage vulnerability is pretty major, though, and I probably wouldn't want to use this continuously even if I were the party wizard or a dex based melee type and thus didn't care about the strength penalties. But, still, I'd personally feel better with this as a use per day or rounds/minutes per day item, especially since the cost is fairly low.
All in all...
Like I said, fun item. Would I want it if I was a player? In most cases, yes. I'd have a crazy good time playing around with flatness. Would I allow it if I was a DM? Yes, though with reservations re: the possible multitude of questions I'd be asked along the way. While I don't think this covers all the possible item uses, I still think you do a good job addressing the specific uses you DO bring up. And I really, really appreciate the creativity involved in creating an item like this. Welcome to RPG Superstar! Best of luck in future rounds!
Now this is what I’m talking about! An awesome high concept that feels like magic. Definitely a fairy-tale feel, but I like that you reached for Arabian Nights instead of Grimm. The rules are well-written enough and should cover most basic uses of the item, but this is only scratching the tip of the iceberg (to mix a metaphor) of all the weird things PCs or villains are going to do with it – which is great.
You might even consider giving the paper-thin character a small bonus to AC vs ranged attackers because he can turn himself sideways to make a very small target.
Does a 2D character still take damage from the rolling boulder trap?
Does a 2D character gain a fly speed when folded into a paper jet?
As Sean M and Sam hinted/mentioned, this item promotes creativity at the table (good thing!). Clark frequently mentions the GOAL and the TASK. Your item isn't perfect, since you've left a few gaps here and there. But, keeping the GOAL in mind, I think that I can see a creative and exciting designer behind the item. I'm looking forward to seeing your organisation in round 2.
I'm so excited! So glad I started my organization already!
Welcome back, James. Well done!
RPG Superstar 2013 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2011 Top 16
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
aka primemover003
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James congratulations on the repeat, well done. This item would be great for any rogue or ninja infiltrator for sure. But I absolutely love this item for the scrollmaster wizard archetype! Now I can build my Thundercats Wood Forger rip off!
--Vrock, Paper, Scissors
Not bad.
Welcome back, James! Back to back! Congrats!
This is the first person Ryan Dancey didn`t vote against
This is far and away my favourite item in the top 32. I especially like the ability to fold yourself up so you can squeeze into a bottle: that immediately made me think of creative opportunities (which I think is the hallmark of a great wondrous item). Vulnerability to slashing damage is a nice touch too. I love it.
First of, congratulations on making it to the top 32 (twice, at that). Your item is one of my favourites this year, although it makes my GM instincts shiver with the possibilities my players might come up with if their saw this.
Good luck further on.
I love the effects of this item, and it's got a lot of good flavor. I had to look up achkan, though, because other than "slot chest", I couldn't really tell what it was. A little too obscure of an real-world item to base it on, maybe.
Still, excellent job with this, very tightly designed and themed.
Congratulations James & welcome back!
2D characters are something we see in every cartoon, hopefully this will join the ranks of classics like portable hole. It is obvious you put your designing hat on here to cover all the rules question you did and yet it does not come off as lawyery-this would still be a fun item to play with. Keep bringing the fun, & good luck!
I don't like the flat 25 DC, but other than that all is good. Congratulations.
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Overall I'm pleased with this item :) I know that the judges mentioned they've seen different variations of it before, but to be honest I'm not sure I've had any in game experiences which incorporated effects like those attributed to your item. So to me it's very novel! I think you did a great job of covering potential uses for the item, but didn't let yourself get bogged down in the myriad of ways it could be used (that is to say, you gave us enough information that a player or GM can easily enough troubleshoot another person's crafty ideas). Because of the variety of ways this can be used (and those that are unexplored) I really see this item as a wonderful addition to our armory of parlor tricks. One thing I do think needs some adjustment is that Escape Artist check for folding oneself. I'm not sure if I'd like to see a higher check or if I would like to see each fold requiring a new check... perhaps a combination of both where the check is at 30 and you have to make checks every 10 minutes in game to not succumb to body fatigue from being folded or the struggle to breath while in a closed space (like a bottle or a book). That's really the only thing that I can think of worth mentioning for reconsideration off the top of my head :) This is a fantastic item and when I'm thinking about my top five, I've got a feeling this one will be amongst the runners ;) Congrats on making it to the 32! Cheers!
Great theme, excellent array of possible applications for both GMs and players, and good job covering the bases on the rules angles that will come up. Me likee!
This item could lead to some fun and dangerous times. :)
Thanks for the kind words, everyone! I'm glad so many of you seem to "get it," as it were. I was worried that it would be perceived as too comical by the judges. In fact, earlier drafts had rules for being crushed by boulders (Wile E. Coyote style) and gliding via paper-airplane shape, which were cut for space. So it's fair to say I absolutely support it being used in these ways.
Regarding the Vudran influences, I pictured users of the item resembling Wayang (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wayang), the traditional asian Shadow-puppet art form. It becomes less comedic if you envision them the same way.
Looking forward to seeing everyone's thoughts on my round 2 organization!
Overall I'm pleased with this item :) I know that the judges mentioned they've seen different variations of it before, but to be honest I'm not sure I've had any in game experiences which incorporated effects like those attributed to your item. So to me it's very novel! I think you did a great job of covering potential uses for the item, but didn't let yourself get bogged down in the myriad of ways it could be used (that is to say, you gave us enough information that a player or GM can easily enough troubleshoot another person's crafty ideas). Because of the variety of ways this can be used (and those that are unexplored) I really see this item as a wonderful addition to our armory of parlor tricks. One thing I do think needs some adjustment is that Escape Artist check for folding oneself. I'm not sure if I'd like to see a higher check or if I would like to see each fold requiring a new check... perhaps a combination of both where the check is at 30 and you have to make checks every 10 minutes in game to not succumb to body fatigue from being folded or the struggle to breath while in a closed space (like a bottle or a book). That's really the only thing that I can think of worth mentioning for reconsideration off the top of my head :) This is a fantastic item and when I'm thinking about my top five, I've got a feeling this one will be amongst the runners ;) Congrats on making it to the 32! Cheers!
For the purposes of breathing within an enclosed space for long periods, I assumed anyone dedicated to such an ambush technique would also invest in a necklace of adaptation. It's the best way to dodge any worries about suffocating on a wizard's shelf, or in a sealed bottle.
That said, finding a hapless assassin smothered in a scrollcase is pretty fun, too.
Congratulations again, and further wishings of good luck!
Now, to analyse one of my favourites this year, and see if it holds to it.
Analysis
Name: I like it. I don't quite see how it really match "Rajah" (I'm assuming it's for Rakshasa RajahMaharajah? I think that's the only game use of it, and I'm assuming you're not using a Sanskrit word for king - if you are, I don't get why, but respect for using Sanskrit!)
Template: I think the weaknesses here have been mentioned by others.
Effect: I like it. It gives me "abuseablity" shivers, but I like it. It's a damn neat effect, and nothing in the game is really that similar. That's rather neat design, and it shows a great creativity.
Description: It looks fine, and I can't find any good advice to give to improve right on the spot.
Overall: Yep, still a favourite. I hope you give me something better or of the same quality for the organization. If you do, you have 1 vote.
Love the item, and I like the limitations and vulnerabilities. Folding into a book or bottle is a great concept.
However, continuous use and unlimited uses per day is a serious "fingernails on a chalkboard no-no" for me. I could see a rogue using this at will constantly, flipping the effect on and off at will, and driving his/her GM crazy!
Needs a time limit and a uses per day limit, and I'm on the bandwagon!
Well done!
Congratulations again, and further wishings of good luck!
Now, to analyse one of my favourites this year, and see if it holds to it.
Analysis
Name: I like it. I don't quite see how it really match "Rajah" (I'm assuming it's for Rakshasa RajahMaharajah? I think that's the only game use of it, and I'm assuming you're not using a Sanskrit word for king - if you are, I don't get why, but respect for using Sanskrit!)Template: I think the weaknesses here have been mentioned by others.
Effect: I like it. It gives me "abuseablity" shivers, but I like it. It's a damn neat effect, and nothing in the game is really that similar. That's rather neat design, and it shows a great creativity.
Description: It looks fine, and I can't find any good advice to give to improve right on the spot.
Overall: Yep, still a favourite. I hope you give me something better or of the same quality for the organization. If you do, you have 1 vote.
"Rajah's Silhouette," in my mind, would be the name of a Vudran king's secret police force, who would hide in impossible places and listen for treasonous speech. As in "The rajah's silhouette falls everywhere." The garment would be named after the traditional wearers. That was the thinking. I was aiming for an evocative name, your mileage may vary.
However, continuous use and unlimited uses per day is a serious "fingernails on a chalkboard no-no" for me. I could see a rogue using this at will constantly, flipping the effect on and off at will, and driving his/her GM crazy!
Needs a time limit and a uses per day limit, and I'm on the bandwagon!
I tried it both ways, and I came to the conclusion pretty early that it needed to be at will, in order for the hiding aspect to work. It didn't make sense to sneak into a wizards lair to kill him, hide in his spellbook, and have to exit early because it only worked for an hour. From a design standpoint, the hiding aspect became pointless with any daily limit on use.
Combined with the fact that it is pretty wholly detrimental in combat, I say let the rogue flip it on and off as much as he wants. Not only will he waste actions turning it off and on (for no benefit), he might get bullrushed (His CMD will plummet) into a slashing blade trap for extra damage. If he wants to use it to escape through a barred window to escape a melee brute, and fire arrows back through the gap--hey, that's what it's for.
This is a really great item that feels like it was designed after an old fable rather than somebody just sitting at a gaming table. It's in my favorites list without even hitting on my love for particular character types.
There are tons of magic items that feel like they were designed for game purposes (standard +x to blah items, spell effect, things that pretty much just improve a class/race mechanic), but this really is deserving of the name Wondrous. It's the sort of item that just gets the mind going with thoughts of exciting stories, the type of item I'd be excited to see in a setting book with a half-page about it's origins or its previous users.
Aside from the part of me that loves an item that feels like it has a story behind it, the mechanics come across as fun, and I can imagine trying to use it every chance I got as a player, just like a kid running around with a new toy. This is also a great sort of item to get players into unusual trouble for an interesting plot.
I'm hoping to see a lot more of this sort of creativity as you move on through the ranks.
I'm hoping to see a lot more of this sort of creativity as you move on through the ranks.
Man, I hope so, too! Thanks for the kind words.
This item would be great to give to a villain's minion or assassin, and the surprise effect would be priceless. I'm going to have to borrow this idea for future and spring it on my players... it would be worth having a camera on hand to capture their reactions to it!
Great job!
Cool item. Well thought out. I think an escape artist check to get out of what it took an escape artist check to get into would be more appropriate. I think if you practice enough with it you should be able to fold yourself into origami objects!
God luck.
This is a tightly-designed item. It's got a great, novel concept that it explains both thoroughly and with admirable concision. When I read this item, I immediately wanted to use it as a GM and had no mechanical qualms about doing so.
I think you made the right call about unlimited duration and uses. This item's main uses need a long duration and the effect isn't overpowered even as a permanent "buff," so that was a good, bold call.
Good luck!
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012
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Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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Congratulations on making the top 32 again, James!
Having designed something based on duo dimension recently, I definitely like your interpretation here. It creates a great visual for the item's use.
Excellent work! Good luck in the next round.
Interesting idea, James, that reminds me a lot of the final confrontation in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" You definitely seem to have nailed all the mechanics, which I appreciate.
I have to admit, I think I might get irritated as a GM at players using this to get past doors and other tight spaces while avoiding a challenge I was trying to set for them, but I guess PCs tend to find ways to do that no matter what. : )
Interesting idea, James, that reminds me a lot of the final confrontation in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" You definitely seem to have nailed all the mechanics, which I appreciate.
I have to admit, I think I might get irritated as a GM at players using this to get past doors and other tight spaces while avoiding a challenge I was trying to set for them, but I guess PCs tend to find ways to do that no matter what. : )
No doubt. I have a guy in my group who pretty frequently wants to bash walls down with his adamantine shield. Disintegrate makes a frequently-used shortcut device, too.
With regards to the Rajah's Silhouette, I look at it like this. Everyone in the party is probably not gonna have one of these things. Probably the monk or rogue will have one. So if they slip under a door to get to a new, unexplored area, that just puts a locked door between a relatively squishy PC (more squishy with the item activated) and the rest of the party, including the Cleric.
This is what I call an "Interesting Development."
This is a good idea that you fleshed out well. I can tell that you put lots of thought into the mechanics of this (and I agree they can be complicated). I think you've spelled out the most important ones.
I'm of the opinion that some effects can be left to GM discretion. Someone asked about damage from a boulder, for instance. I was always under the impression that paper beat rock....
In all seriousness, this is an awesome item and I hope to see your creativity and attention to detail in future entries.
I love this item. It is something I can give to a mid-level major villian that the players will enjoy using and having as a reward. I can see creative uses out of it, and ways for players to put themselves in very awkward positions with it. Its what I am looking for in this contest.
Had to look up achkan, but very classy design for your item. Some details including more verbiage around what vulnerable to slashing damage means would’ve helped, but I do like the item. I’ve got a few characters who would enjoy this, and at least one player who would love it with any of his characters.
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Rajah's Silhouette
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot chest; Price 15,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
DescriptionThis knee-length silk achkan is tailored in an elegant Vudran style, and edged with delicate embroidery. At will, as a standard action, the wearer of a Rajah's Silhouette can flatten his body and become paper-thin while still able to move and act. This transformation can be reversed as a move action.
While a Rajah's Silhouette is activated, the wearer may roll, fold and twist his form in order to bypass obstacles that would be otherwise impassable. The transformed wearer of a Rajah's Silhouette can slither beneath doors or pass between bars, treating these gaps as difficult terrain. By making a DC 25 Escape Artist check to carefully fold his form, the wearer can even hide within exceptionally small spaces: inside bottles, within scroll cases, or between the pages of a book. The wearer is considered pinned by such small spaces but may exit these confines as a move action. While a Rajah's Silhouette is activated, the wearer can fall any distance as if under the effects of feather fall.
While transformed by a Rajah's Silhouette, the wearer weighs 1/32nd of his normal weight but maintains his normal space and reach. During the transformation, the wearer's weaponry and equipment function normally; however, the wearer's paper-like body is easier to cut than normal and becomes vulnerable to attacks that deal slashing damage. The transformed wearer also suffers a -4 size penalty to Strength and is treated as a creature two size categories smaller for purposes of CMB, CMD, and the effects of wind.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, reduce person, feather fall; Cost 7,500 gp
Disclaimer:
Note:
Fair is foul and foul is fair supposedly . Basically, though, does this item have any useful application in a spa?
Oooh, nifty! A silk achkan. okay, it could do with being a bit long for the price, but it's probably possible to get longer ones than the standard issue. Whilst the magical abilities may not actually be that applicable, it's still likely to make quite an impression.
Assuming for a moment that it’s more convenient to pay taxes than to circumvent the system, does this item look likely to be a tax-deductible business expense for a succubus art-dealer?
Alas, this is not tax-deductible. As a single item it reaches the point where any tax official is going to start asking a lot of questions about just what the money has gone on, and it is just not sufficiently applicable to an art-dealership to justify it as a business expense.
Is the item useful in a strawberries-and-cream-tea context?
Again, this is a very nice item, so probably yes.
Other Comments?
I'm not terribly fussed about the penalties of using one of these with regard to combat situations, as I prefer others (who actually enjoy that sort of thing) to engage in brawling.
Gollum Rating:
Oh go on then. This one does actually merit a rating. Preciousssss.
Ant Health Warning: this year, I really worked hard on technical execution of my item, so these reviews will likely reflect template use. Brace yourselves for the template fu - it can sting.
Template Use: 8.5/10
template fu laughs at another italic comma between spells which also aren’t listed alphabetically in order. There is the sound of 1.5 points worth of crunching as we walks away wagging his three barbed tails.
Slot affinity: 8/10
Changing the whole body from a torso item definitely fits well so the affinity is good.
However, as a GM, I do wonder of this item could raise potential issues. For example, the GM could rule that as a paper thin creature, a gust of wind could blow you away, or you could be rent in twain by a couple of creatures playing tug-of-war with you, or you could be turned into confetti by the dragon claw swipe, or you could spontaneously combust in a fireball or have massive penalties on saves against breath weapons.
Abuseability: 8/10
As a GM, I can post this through the cell bars to help nefarious antagonists of the PCs get away, I can use it to get into their rooms and liberate them from their treasures, ohhhh the possibilities.
Desirability: 9/10
I would love to have these in my GM thieves’ guilds, but would hate the PC who has one as I am sure they would be far more inventive than I.
Originality: 9/10
You tried something very new, this definitely gets you noticed for originality, but you need to temper that originality with being very aware of the inherent issues of being so cutting edge. It may result in more work for the GM (or you and your editors), and could give rise to issues at the table as mentioned previously. I am very much looking forward to your organisation based on this entry, you have set a very high bar on originality and so my hopes are now very high.
Ant Score: 42.5/50 (85%)