Scent of the Savored Sting
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 10th
Slot --; Price 70,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Often in the possession of priestesses of Calistria, these delicately etched amber bottles are filled to the brim with live wasps.
Up to three times per day as a standard action, the possessor may spray wasp pheromones on herself or another target. Against unwilling targets, she must succeed at a melee touch attack, or the dose is wasted. The effects of the pheromones last for one hour, but can be removed by negate aroma.
When complacent, the wasps produce a sickly sweet pheromone which makes the target highly appealing to individuals of the opposite gender. Interacting with such individuals, the target gains the benefits of honeyed tongue and a +2 competence bonus to charisma-based skill checks. The target gains no benefits against individuals lacking a sense of smell.
As a swift action, the possessor may shake the bottle. The agitated wasps produce attack pheromones for one round. If sprayed, a target must succeed at a DC 18 Fortitude save or be blinded and nauseated for 1d4 rounds as his eyes tear up and his throat swells. This is a poison effect.
The bottle may be thrown as a ranged touch attack. Upon impact, it explodes with a splash radius of 5 ft. per unused dose. Any creature struck with the bottle or caught in the splash radius suffers the same effects as having been sprayed with attack pheromones. The destroyed bottle releases a wasp swarm with a +10 competence bonus on survival checks made to track creatures affected by attack pheromones. They pursue these creatures until they no longer perceive the scent, at which point the wasps disperse.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, honeyed tongue, insect plague, poison Cost 35,000 gp
aka "Swiss Army Knife of Calistria"
REJECT
Look, I appreciate the tight design to a theme and the use of a few of the newer spells. But I'm not sure Calistria is all about pepper spray and hand grenades, even if tied to a perfume theme. Plus, that's a lot of bread (money, to those of you younger than me) for an not so interesting item. I mean, 70,000 is crystal ball territory; and this, sir, is no crystal ball.
Just doesn't work for me.
I...actually...like this one. Yes, it's a bit of a SAK of SIAC effects. But I do like the creativity that went into stringing them together. And, I think the theme is very appropriate for Calistrians, since it has both a seductive and vengeful quality built into it...while also using the wasp as her established symbol. I could envision a priestess of Calistria using this item both as an enhancer of her Diplomacy skills and as a defensive item in the event someone makes her angry or if she's just feeling spiteful. It helps such a character concept be more like you'd expect them to be...while, at the same time, I could see many other classes making use of it (not just clerics of Calistria) like rogues, assassins, etc. who need a distractive device. Now, that said, 70,000 gp is a bit much for what could become a throwaway item if you go for the "wasp bomb" and it isn't much of one, considering it only summons a single wasp swarm.
Boiled down mechanically, it's basically just granting you the honeyed tongue spell, plus a poison spell, plus an insect plague to summon a single CR 3 wasp swarm (rather than the three a spell at this caster level would normally entitle you to). I like that they're finding a way to weave in one of the newer spells and partner it up with some other stuff that makes sense, though.
The theme is tight. The presentation and attention to detail is spot-on. I agree the pricing is probably off, but we don't always knock folks too hard on that unless it's just flat-out, way off. It's also a scent-based item requiring a melee touch or grenade-like use. And the flavor is very good, in my opinion.
I'd be inclined to Keep it around for further disussion and until we see what else we've got. This is an author I'd be interested in seeing what more they could do in future rounds. And, more importantly, how much they can grow in terms of mechanical considerations and doing something more than just heavily relying on spell descriptions someone else created.
Vote to Keep...for now.
Agreed. I switch my vote to a weak KEEP for now to sort it out later. Reluctantly. But if this makes the top 32, it is over my objection. [and that is exactly what happened :)]
A bottle that sprays pheromones is not a magic item. The flavor is contrary to what this item is supposed to be. If it's magic, you don't have to justify it with science. If it's science, I don't want it in my magic item (which includes using words like "pheromones," a term that dates back to 1959).
Range on spray? Unknown.
It only works on creatures of the opposite gender of the sprayed target, so the Sexiest Gay Man Alive doesn't get a bonus to seduce Elton John.
I assume if you throw it, the item is destroyed.
I like the concept, but not the execution of it. And, honestly, the title in the context of the goddess of lust had me worried that this item was going to be a magical pair of underwear.
Keep... but just barely. Designer, bring your A game in the next round!
This item is literally a monster in a can. We'll overlook that (and the HORRIBLE name) because the effect of the item is great.
We've got a bunch of game systems all integrated into a cohesive whole. We've got a couple of spells, we've got a poison, we've got a grenade weapon with splash damage, and we've got a swarm. It all holds together nicely and the designer's attention to detail shows in the way the item is clear on how it works and interacts with other game system elements.
I recommend you vote for this designer.
I change back to my original vote of Reject, having seen the other potential top 32 items. This one just isnt in their league.
REJECT
Sean, I think you should take a look at this one again.
I completely disagree that this item doesn't live up to the other potential Top 32 items. In fact, I believe if you look past the item itself, the designer is someone you'd want to see go through this contest. Why? They've put together this item with a flawless presentation. They tied it into Golarion lore with a high degree of imagination and creativity. They gave you three distinct, separate abilities (not an entire SAK like we saw with some of the earlier Sarenrae-inspired items) and one of those abilities completely consumes the item.
I think the knock on using pheromones as a science vs. magic argument is misplaced. If you have concerns of that nature, it's something you can beat out of the designer at a later date. While I agree the item is likely overpriced, it's "in the ballpark" enough to still warrant consideration. The only major oversights to me are the lack of a range on the sprayed pheromones (which I took to require a melee touch attack as opposed to a ranged attack). And, I agree with Ryan that the name needs work (even though it actually fits the goddess of lust and revenge).
More importantly than that, though, I think this is one of those situations where you've got to look past the item at the designer behind it. This is someone demonstrating professional polish, decent writing ability, mostly solid mechanics, a little bit of innovation with a spray-like/grenade-like item, and a whole lot of flavor and creativity with how they tied it to Golarion lore. That's the type of designer I'd want to go through the RPGSS gauntlet...to see what else they can do, plus how much they can learn from the feedback they receive both here and over the course of the competition.
Welcome to the Top 32! Your item comes in at exactly 300 words. Let's have a look at what you managed to squeeze into your entry:
It's a bottle of wasps, with strong ties to Calistria and her faith. And it costs 70,000 gp. That seems a little much for the effects granted. I wonder how you reached that number.
Moving on, your item, at its heart, is a SAK. However, you've tightly linked every element into a cohesive and flavourful whole that works. I think that you may already have the ability to put the softer elements of design together, but you do need to work on your mechanics a bit. You might rock round 2, but you'll need to watch your step in round 3 and later. Good luck.
What I like:
I might be mistaking how the visuals of this item work, but I kind of like the notion of one of those frou-frou spray perfume bottles being filled with wasps, and presumably you're spraying yourself or someone else by squeezing the bulb.
I also really like that you pull in an obscure spell like negate aroma as a way to negate the 'perfume'. That's very clever thinking.
What I love:
While the specific effects of the scent are spell-in-a-can ish, I don't mind them here; they're appropriate to the item (and the goddess), and I tend to like items that have a duality weal/woe theme to them.
What needs a little sumptin' sumptin'...
The writing here is maybe a little less clear than it should be; it took me a couple read throughs before I grasped how the item worked, exactly. (And even then, I had to guess as to exactly how someone was spraying the pheromones). I would guess that you probably had even more description written at one point, which linked the appearance, function, and powers of the item a bit more, but then you had to pare that away to get it down to 300 words. Trust me, I know how that feels, so I'm not holding it against you, but you might want to be careful about dependence on heavy word count in future rounds.
Also, not a fan of items you can destroy to get a one-time effect. Leaving aside the fact that doing so throws off wealth by level calculations a bit (since consumables and permanent items are priced differently), I'd really, really need to be badly off to destroy a 70K item just to get a wasp swarm. (Plus at the level I'd be to afford a 70K item, I can't imagine what I'm facing that's going to be threatened by a wasp swarm.)
All in all...
I think (as Jerall points out) that the pricing on this is quite high, both for the permanent 3/day effects and the possible nuke effect. Leaving that, (and my dislike of nuke items) aside, though, this is a nice little item that I can see a priest/priestess of Calistria pulling out of some secret pocket and spraying at someone with a smirk. One other thing: I didn't notice the 'opposite gender' limit to the seduction effect till I went back & read Sean's comments; I'd advise you to keep in mind that Paizo does try and be more inclusive of same sex options for role play (something I was reminded of myself last year when getting critiques on my villain write-up). Congratulations and welcome to RPG Superstar!
Bizarre, kind of funny, yet appealing. Ignoring the Golarion fluff, this feels like something at home in one of those surreal classic modules from the 80s like Castle Amber. Massively overpriced, as others have pointed out, but that’s not a deal-breaker.
I think the reason this feels like a coherent item instead of a Swiss Army Knife is that it makes me think that your design process was “what’s a way for a wasp to help you, and a wasp to hurt you” rather than “how many spell effects can I justify cramming on to this?” I respect top-down design, and I don’t deduct points because you found good solutions to the design problem you were dealing with in the existing Pathfinder rules.
Thank you all very much! I highly appreciate all of your feedback, especially the more critical points. I promise that I'll step it up a notch in future rounds, especially mechanically.
I submitted this rather early, and have since made revisions. Is it okay to post an updated version of the item?
You may post freely at this stage of the game. It might be a bit early to go with a revision, though. Give people some time to digest your current entry and give you their own thoughts, feedback, and commentary.
Okay, absolutely! I'll spend a while reading everyone's entries and preparing my organization for next round. Thanks again!
EDIT
On the gender aspect of the item: Yeah, that was a forehead-slap moment. This is actually the point that I regretted the most, but that will be fixed when you see the revision.
I don't like the price, but I like the idea behind it, well some of it anyway. I think the artist shows potential.
I love Calistria as a goddess and like the addition to holy relics of her church. The Chanelle-pepper-spray-hand-grenade concept is actually pretty cool, in my opinion, and I my Calistria worshiping bard would have gladly got one of these but for 2 little problems.
The first was covered by Mr. Peterson (the cost) and the other by SKR (why can't I use it to make myself more appealing to gay men as well? Does Calistria have no power over Teh Gheys?).
Other than that, very nice.
This fails as a "Melvin" item, because it is overcosted and mechanically superfluous. It has a certain thematic appeal for the Vorthoses out there, but the scientific explanations and SAK setup rob it of its evocativeness.
I literally have no idea what you just said :)
I literally have no idea what you just said :)Hi, Clark!
I hope my terminology was not gauche. I chose to use some specialized terms as coined by, ahem, a Paizo competitor.
The basic idea is that some people like tight mechanics, some are more forgiving if the theme feels right. This item is leaning towards the latter fan base, and that's where it would draw votes.
I very nearly gave my commentary using a Timmy, Johnny, Spike, Melvin, and Vorthos scale. :)
I'd guess that Chris tends towards Vorthos. Again, congratulations on making it through to the Top 32.
Good morning everybody! I've calmed down from the initial jitters, so let me explain my approach a little bit, and then address your other points below.
My basic initial thought process was something like this:
So when the rules were announced, I literally looked at the first thing in front of me. There was a bottle of cologne on my desk that I had received from my friend. I listed a few other things (Paintbrush? Tea? Pet Rock?), but upon scouring the internet for existing D&D/Pathfinder perfume items and finding almost nothing, I figured it was a good way to go. I really wanted something that could be appropriate for roleplaying situations as well as combat (or avoiding combat).
First stop? Read up on Golarion deities for inspiration. Calistria was sort of a "no duh" for perfume. Her followers were mostly holy prostitutes, ladies of the evening, and spies. These types might need something to enhance their trade, or to deter a client when he asked for a bit too much service. Perfume and pepper spray? Sure.
Calistria's favored creature is the wasp... hmm, a bottle of bees? That might work. Cornered in an alley by a bunch of goons and no chance of escape? You've got a last resort.
(Retrospect: What working girl is going to have the 70,000 g to cough up for this!?)
...that's a lot of bread.
And it costs 70,000 gp. That seems a little much for the effects granted. I wonder how you reached that number.
Honestly, trying to price the silly thing took longer than creating the item itself. I ended up ballparking it (and failing, apparently). Thanks for taking it easy on me! Looking again, maybe something around 40,000 is more appropriate.
It only works on creatures of the opposite gender of the sprayed target, so the Sexiest Gay Man Alive doesn't get a bonus to seduce Elton John.
I didn't notice the 'opposite gender' limit to the seduction effect till I went back & read Sean's comments; I'd advise you to keep in mind that Paizo does try and be more inclusive of same sex options for role play (something I was reminded of myself last year when getting critiques on my villain write-up).
Indeed! My original write-up had a very clumsily worded way of being more inclusive, but to save on word-count and simplify my explanation, I sort of copped out. :/
While waiting for the results over the past month, I did make it a point to revise that sentence specifically.When complacent, the wasps produce sickly sweet pheromones which make the target highly appealing to anyone attracted to members of his or her gender. The target gains the benefits of honeyed tongue and a +2 competence bonus to charisma-based skill checks against these individuals. The target gains no benefits against individuals lacking a sense of smell.
A bottle that sprays pheromones is not a magic item. The flavor is contrary to what this item is supposed to be. If it's magic, you don't have to justify it with science. If it's science, I don't want it in my magic item (which includes using words like "pheromones," a term that dates back to 1959).
It has a certain thematic appeal for the Vorthoses out there, but the scientific explanations and SAK setup rob it of its evocativeness.
I'd guess that Chris tends towards Vorthos. Again, congratulations on making it through to the Top 32.
Sean: It has a magic enchantment that keeps wasp bits from stopping up the nozzle. :D
In all seriousness, I suppose the magical aspect of this is a bit subdued. Remember, you are magically sustaining thousands of wasps without food, water, or air. In a tiny bottle. The sprays themselves are also much stronger than what normal wasps would actually produce. And while pheromones are a somewhat recent scientific concept, that doesn't prevent the denizens of a fantasy world completely detached from our own from knowing about them, enhancing them, and exploiting them for personal gain. B)Zed and Jerall: Haha, cool, I didn't know all those terms before, thanks for that. I guess you could say I'm a bit on the Vorthos end of the spectrum. That is to say, I have a Vorthos -> Melvin approach, starting with feeling, and finding mechanics to fit them, rather than the other way around. But I am a sucker for well thought-out mechanics too, so who knows what's in store!
Neil is absolutely right about the caster level allowing three swarms. That sounds like a much bigger payoff, and was an oversight on my part.
Oh, and there's one other mechanical aspect I edited since submitting. Basically, I replaced the +10 Survival check bonus (seems no one noticed I didn't capitalize Survival) with:
Wasps gain the scent ability for the purposes of tracking the target.
I think scent is way more of a concise and accurate way of saying, "These bees are going to effing find you."
Range on spray? Unknown.
...lack of a range on the sprayed pheromones (which I took to require a melee touch attack as opposed to a ranged attack)
You've got the right of it, Neil! All applications of the spray are meant to be within melee range, I suppose I could have made this clearer by mentioning it earlier than the "Against unwilling targets..." sentence.
I assume if you throw it, the item is destroyed.
You'd be right to assume that, since I snuck it in there: "The destroyed bottle releases a wasp swarm..."
And, honestly, the title in the context of the goddess of lust had me worried that this item was going to be a magical pair of underwear.
and the HORRIBLE name
I agree with Ryan that the name needs work (even though it actually fits the goddess of lust and revenge).
First off, Sean, that's because you're a dirty old man. :)
That's a shame, the name stuck with me. One of Calistria's formal titles is "The Savored Sting". Really, this name ties the item directly to her, tells you it's a fragrance (Scent), and hints at both the alluring (Savored) and pain-inducing (Sting) aspects of the item. If it's the alliteration bothering you, I originally called it "Fragrance of the Savored Sting."But if this makes the top 32, it is over my objection. [and that is exactly what happened :)]
Haha! That made me laugh, thanks for that. :p
Reading over your comments for the other contestants' entries, I've got a really good feel for what you like now: Fun mechanic-bending-without-breaking and bravely going into unexplored territory. I'll make you love me yet.Kudos if you read all that. And thanks! I'll post my two cents on the other entries over the next few days, and post a fully revised version of this item next week as we wait for round 3. See you all around!
I think Fragrance of the Savored Sting might have been a much better name.
Ultimately, I think that your item is pretty good though except for most of the reasons mentioned above; the nuke sucks, and the price is too high.
Looking forward to seeing you in future rounds!
I love the name.
As for the mechanics, I enjoy them.
I wouldn't pay more than ~10K for this item though, and even at that price a simple Wasp Swarm is a waste of the item.
I see that the nuking aspect is unpopular. Maybe I should have gone with a simple 1/day ability that allows you to unstop the bottle and release a wasp swarm (or three).
I'm curious if the attraction ability is meant to work across species? i.e. Hetero male human comes across a sexy female elf/gnoll/ogre who has just been splashed with some sickly sweet fantasy spanish fly. Does the effect kick in? Or is it same species dependent?
Yes it does, but if an alluring ogress is trying to kill you, she probably wouldn't be making many diplomacy checks.
Now, my question to myself is, "Would this work on dragons, outsiders, aberrations, magical beasts...?"
I decided not to address that directly. The GM might interpret it widely or less so.
I didn't like this one. Do the pheromones come through the glass? It was very confusing to me. Could definitely use a rewrite. Sounds like a kinda of cool idea badly executed.
Congratulations Chris,
I am glad to see a long time follower in here. I am meh on the item, writing was a bit wonky for me. Starting line Often in the hands... made me have to read it twice. It feels a little SAK to me, but the 'what is a positive and a negative a wasp can do' comment, softened those edges for me.The visual of an amber bottle filled with LIVE wasps is escellent though. Nicely done, and good luck! :)
Congratulations on making top 32! Hope you do well with your organization!
I know it's too late for you to benefit from a careful review for the next round, but if you make it further on or if you submit another item later!
Analysis
Name: I like it. It's not the best or most original around, but it's neat and tells me what the item does. It made me want to like the item.
Effect: Sadly, that didn't do it. I can't really like this. It seems to want too much. Its individual effects might have been neat (though none of them really give me a huge sense of awesome), but together it just seems too much
Price: Whew, this has GOT to be too expensive. I think it's a nother sign of wanting to do too much.
That said, Good Luck!
Hey everybody, thanks for your feedback! I've taken most of your comments into account, and made a rewrite. Please let me know what you think. Too powerful for the price now? (I'm not 100% sure, pricing doesn't seem to be my forte!) I've nixed the bomb effect for something more reusable. (I don't know if that's allowed)
Mainly, I wanted to get this in before Ask A RPGSuccubus stopped by. :p
.
Fragrance of the Savored Sting
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 10th
Slot --; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Brimming with live wasps, these perfume bottle are made of delicately etched amber and bear the symbol of Calistria.
Up to three times per day as a standard action, the possessor may spray wasp phermones on herself or another target within melee range. Against unwilling targets, she must succeed at a melee touch attack, or the dose is wasted. The effects and scent of the pheromones last for one hour, but can be removed by negate aroma.
When complacent, the wasps produce a sweet-smelling pheromone which makes the target highly appealing to anyone attracted to members of his or her gender. The target gains the benefits of honeyed tongue and a +2 competence bonus to charisma-based skill checks against these individuals. The target gains no benefits against individuals lacking a sense of smell. Wasps will not attack the target, even if provoked.
As a swift action, the possessor may shake the bottle. The agitated wasps produce attack pheromones for three rounds. If sprayed, a target must succeed at a DC 18 fortitude save or be blinded and nauseated for 1d4 rounds as his eyes tear up and his throat swells. This is a poison effect. Wasps gain the scent ability for the purposes of tracking the target.
Once per day as a standard action, the bottle may be unstopped to release a number of wasp swarms equal to two plus the number of remaining spray doses, which are expended. The wasps pursue creatures sprayed with attack pheromones until they no longer perceive the scent, at which point they disperse.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, honeyed tongue, insect plague, poison Cost 15,000 gp
I think you really improved it there, Chris, though I'm left wondering what happens with the item once it's been unstopped. Does it become a mundane bottle or somehow get refilled with new wasps?
30,000 seems like a lot to me still, but that's just my gut feeling on whether I'd have a character buy it. Considering all the effects, maybe that's not a bad price.
I don't like wasps at all, so this item gives me a creepy feeling -- which is a testament to your descriptions and your concept. This item has a lot of flavor to it, and it exudes a unique style that really stands out. Calistria is one of those deities that has both good and bad sides to her, and this item is in perfect harmony with that dual nature.
Great job!
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012
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Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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This one does a lot, but it very much fits the Calistrian theme. I think this is at least the third year a Calistrian item has made it into the top 32. I'm still not a fan of flying, stinging insects. :)
Congratulations, Chris, and I look forward to seeing your organization on Tuesday!
Opponent overview
Style Mastery - Strong. You write nice descriptions and your wasp-theme in Scent of the Savored Sting is interesting. Be careful not to overextend yourself. Better to try and focus on the core of your item and tighten up your item a bit. Less is often more.
Mechanics Mastery - Weak. The issues here have already been pointed out, and I really like that you are invested enough to post a revised version of item based on the feedback.
Golarion Mastery - Strong. This item has Calistria written all over it (literally, in your latest version). No-one who are even the slightest bit familiar with the setting is going to miss that this is a Calistria item. As such, actually wasting precious words pointing out the obvious is overkill.
Special Abilities - Has shown willingness and ability to absorb criticism and make revisions based upon advice given
CR 9 - may well advance, but much depends on the round 2 entry.
Upon reading this entry, I immediately imagined the item in the hands of a character. Despite its mechanical shortcomings (which you pretty much resolved in your rewrite), the item calls out to be used because of its flavor and its well-themed versatility. Despite the variety of effects, this item doesn't feel busy or cluttered at all. Every bit of the item's power seems natural to its concept and easy to use.
Your biggest single gaffe in the original version was pricing, which leads me to think that you didn't compare this item very carefully to benchmarks on the wondrous item list. Maybe that's a practice you should take up for your monster design later... CR is just as hard to nail as Price and much more important to the quality of the final design, IMO.
A version of this item will probably see use in one of my campaigns before long, so thanks and congratulations.
Not a big fan of the name (but then, I entered the "Gloves of Reconnaissance," so who am I to judge?), but I really like this item. I know it's because I have a thing for Calistria, but I like it! It's kind of a weird blend of a minor effect, more major effect, and major one-time-use-of-an-expensive-item effect. I would maybe have liked to see these more smoothed out, probably toward the less effective but less costly end. I do love the wasps/pheromones idea, though. Good job, Chris!
P.S. I'm starting to realize that I'm harder on the items I really like. That gives me hope in the face of the RPG Superstar judges' feedback! :)
Okay, that’s just cool! A recharging fragrance that doubles as recharging pepper-spray and in a pinch a pepper-spray/summon combo? Very nice. Price seems a bit steep even for recharging perfume though… Still, several of my characters wouldn’t mind having this item, and there are a few who would absolutely love it!
A few points from the comments I'd like to address; Your re-write of the item is vastly more appealing except for one aspect. I think letting the wasps out of the bottle should be a bad thing--the nuke in the original version if it does anything--since the item loses something for me if it creates wasps as opposed to just sustaining/enhancing them.
And then I like the pheromones--the magic is obviously going on with the wasps so I don't mind the fragrances effectively being magically enhanced science.
Okay, that’s just cool! A recharging fragrance that doubles as recharging pepper-spray and in a pinch a pepper-spray/summon combo? Very nice. Price seems a bit steep even for recharging perfume though… Still, several of my characters wouldn’t mind having this item, and there are a few who would absolutely love it!
A few points from the comments I'd like to address; Your re-write of the item is vastly more appealing except for one aspect. I think letting the wasps out of the bottle should be a bad thing--the nuke in the original version if it does anything--since the item loses something for me if it creates wasps as opposed to just sustaining/enhancing them.
And then I like the pheromones--the magic is obviously going on with the wasps so I don't mind the fragrances effectively being magically enhanced science.
On the 1/day wasp release vs. one time grenade effect: How about releasing 20 wasp swarms once per week? The bottle also enhances wasp reproduction somehow~
Or oh, I know! The bottles are actually portals to the Elemental Plane of Wasps! I hope some of you out there get a chill from the very notion.
But seriously, thanks a lot David (and all you other lovely persons)! I was afraid at first that no one really dug my item other than Neil (no small feat, I know :p), but everyone's encouraging comments have really bolstered my ego and resolve. :)
Hey everybody, thanks for your feedback! I've taken most of your comments into account, and made a rewrite. Please let me know what you think. Too powerful for the price now? (I'm not 100% sure, pricing doesn't seem to be my forte!) I've nixed the bomb effect for something more reusable. (I don't know if that's allowed)
Mainly, I wanted to get this in before Ask A RPGSuccubus stopped by. :p
...
My scribe has been distracted for several days (extra whippings and beatings have now been applied).
So, which version did you want the review for? The one at the top of the thread, or this one?
Well, Ms. AARPGSS, if you could review the bottom one, and also give me a morsel of opinion on the limited-time only eau de explosion variety (thus the expense!), I'd be much obliged!
(Or just do whichever you like best.)
Fragrance of the Savored Sting
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 10th
Slot --; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.Brimming with live wasps, these perfume bottles are made of delicately etched amber and bear the symbol of Calistria.
Up to three times per day as a standard action, the possessor may spray wasp phermones on herself or another target within melee range. Against unwilling targets, she must succeed at a melee touch attack, or the dose is wasted. The effects and scent of the pheromones last for one hour, but can be removed by negate aroma.
When complacent, the wasps produce a sweet-smelling pheromone which makes the target highly appealing to anyone attracted to members of his or her gender. The target gains the benefits of honeyed tongue and a +2 competence bonus to charisma-based skill checks against these individuals. The target gains no benefits against individuals lacking a sense of smell. Wasps will not attack the target, even if provoked.
As a swift action, the possessor may shake the bottle. The agitated wasps produce attack pheromones for three rounds. If sprayed, a target must succeed at a DC 18 fortitude save or be blinded and nauseated for 1d4 rounds as his eyes tear up and his throat swells. This is a poison effect. Wasps gain the scent ability for the purposes of tracking the target.
Once per day as a standard action, the bottle may be unstopped to release a number of wasp swarms equal to two plus the number of remaining spray doses, which are expended. The wasps pursue creatures sprayed with attack pheromones until they no longer perceive the scent, at which point they disperse.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, honeyed tongue, insect plague, poison Cost 15,000 gp
Disclaimer:
Note:
Fair is foul and foul is fair supposedly . Basically, though, does this item have any useful application in a spa?
Alas, Calistria is a goddess whose portfolio includes vengeance, and being seen toting around in public an item with such blatant links to her without actually being on her payroll (or working with someone who is) is risky at best. This item has no use in a spa unless one is working for Calistria (even indirectly) or trying to get someone else in trouble.
Assuming for a moment that it’s more convenient to pay taxes than to circumvent the system, does this item look likely to be a tax-deductible business expense for a succubus art-dealer?
Again, there's a problem with the Calistria specific link the item has, although conceivably it might be possible to come to some sort of 'arrangement' with a nearby shrine, allowing one to keep one under the counter for use in emergencies. That doesn't actually address the issue of whether the item is in and of itself sufficiently tax deductible. Whilst the item is probably useful to the conducting of business, I suspect that in most jurisdictions it's going to be banned from use as a sales aid by shop owners (most authorities seem to take a dim view of any retailers who employ reusable items of this nature that assist them in persuading customers to spend more), which takes it out of this question completely.
Is the item useful in a strawberries-and-cream-tea context?
Hmm. There are considerably more effective scents out there, but this does have a certain, basic reusability. Plus if a date turns nasty...
Other Comments?
Whilst wasps are amusing, I don't tend to rate most items from a combat point of view, as brawling is something others are supposed to do. The item is a bit pricy (despite the nice bottle) for my own tastes for what it does based on just the pheromones. I would commend a line of research into different size bottles, with different capacities, and an unagitated (per day), agitated (per day), and really violently agitated mash-those-wasps (per week, cannot be employed for anything else until wasps recover) range of effects.
Gollum Rating:
Thank you, mistress. I appreciate every lash of your whip-like tongue!
On my organization entry, I posted the notepad document that had my initial brainstorming for the concept. Here's the one I made for my item:
Fragrance of Unquenchable Fire
Perfume of the Savored Sting
Wasp Queen
Flavor along the lines of wasps and the colors yellow and black. Uses wasp pheremones?
Trickery, Lust, Revenge (Knowledge, Luck, Charm, Chaos, Trickery)
A vaguely wasp-shaped, amber-colored bottle containing 10 applications of a fragrance.
Applying the fragrance takes a standard action.
Can be applied to give bonus to certain charisma-based skills. Gives penalty to stealth checks/bonus to checks made to track
Can be thrown to detonate. Dealing fire damage/summoning wasp swarms/making the target easier to track
Spy/Assassin/Prostitute-based
Tracking/stealth/assassination
Bottle can animate to become wasp?
Think of scent/tracking aspects
honeyed tongue
touch of idiocy
Charm Person
insect plague
summon nature's ally
summon swarm
nature's exile
SCENT TRAIL
negate aroma
Looking at this, I'm amazed that I didn't use scent trail. It's so obvious. I even put it in all caps for crying out loud. :p
Loses me with the non-core spells, but otherwise a very flavorful item - nice job Chris!
The fortitude save is a strange DC as well - default for poison would be 14 or 16. 18 is between a 5th and 6th level spell.
Pricing:
Poison: SL 5th (heightened) * CL 10th * 1800 * 3/5 = 54000
H. Tongue: SL 2nd * CL 10th * 1800 * 3/5 * .75 (related effect, same pool of 'charges') = 16200
Swarm: SL 5th * CL 3rd * 50 (potion) = 750 [basically ignorable since this is the end use]
Total: 70200 - your price seems perfectly right on to me. Only about 50k if the poison DC had been 14 (appropriate for a 3rd level spell).
Ant Health Warning: this year, I really worked hard on technical execution of my item, so these reviews will likely reflect template use. Brace yourselves for the template fu - it can sting.
Template Use: 9/10
template fu dances the jig and eats a point - "no semi colon on the last spell and the comma's between spells are italic commas instead of normal ones". template fu pats his fat tummy, and belches in satisfaction.
Don't forget, in 5th printing, Slot -; is now Slot none;
Slot affinity: 8/10
No slot is perfect for this item, but I did have a question that cost some points. You make mention of "When complacent", but don't describe how long after a shake the item becomes complacent again, or any other methods of making the bees complacent. This I would need to know.
Abuseability: 8/10
Oh my god, my haggle rolls in shops, those poor shop/stall keepers...
There is a mage at the back, throw boys throw, hah, cant target us now and as for verbals, tee hee.
Desirability: 7/10
Not sure on this one, I'd always be worried the GM would find ways of smashing them in my backpack, I just know he would. I would. Evil grin.
The price is a bit ouch when compare to other items in the same price brand, and using it as a thrown consumable at that price makes me want to cry.
Originality: 8/10
The grenade effect is cliche for me and could simply have been omitted, this may have reduced the price somewhat, helping on that score too. I did like the idea of pheromone perfume though, I darent ask for your inspiration - I suspect some perfume company might not like the answer :P
Ant Score: 40/50 (80%)